a date with the constabulary

The Equals - Police on My Back (from Greatest Hits, 1994) - The original 1968 version, featuring the talents of a young Eddy Grant (before he decided to cruise Electric Avenue as a solo artist).

The Clash - Police on My Back (from Sandinista! 1980) - The one flawless diamond in a six-sided pile of dross.

(Inspired by the works of Chris Sims, current Scion of the Arashikage Clan.)

now they're hunting around

Looking for love in all the wrong places? Perhaps this will help:

(Click to find what you are truly looking for.)
If you can't trust Debbi's Dates #2 (June-July 1969) for help with your love life, who can you trust?

The Bay City Rollers - That's Where the Boys Are (from Ricochet, 1981) - In which the the unbridled euphoria of "Saturday Night" gives way to a whopping Sunday morning hangover.

Karen Kamon - Manhunt (from the Flashdance OST, 1983) - A bit of Benatardian (or Blondiesque?) pop rock fluff with a vaguely empowering gender role reversal message. I would not, under any circumstances, suggest that one take dating advice from the Manhunt videogame, as most people do not respond well to woo pitched via a rusty knife stealthily inserted between their ribs.

The Revillos - Where's the Boy for Me? (from a 1979 single; collected on the reissue of Rev Up, 1980) - What difference does swapping a single consonant make? Not much, in the case of The Rezillos/Revillos, apart from some minor line-up changes and a slightly poppier tenor to the band's retro sound.

the object of my desire

But, as communication in general tends to break down more and more, the existence of love becomes increasingly precarious. It is threatened on every side. Everything tends to reduce lovers to objects - Raoul Vaneigem, The Revolution of Everyday Life

A panel from a 1971 issue of Date With Debbi:


A sample letter from the advice column in a 1971 issue of Date With Debbi:


An excerpt from a feature on actress Maureen McCormick from a 1971 issue of Date With Debbi:

(The article also states that the then fifteen year old McCormick was 4'8" and weighed sixty-eight pounds "dripping wet".)

An advertisement from a 1971 issue of Date With Debbi:

"made of rugged vinyl"
Kraftwerk - Sex Object (English Version) (from Electric Café, 1986) - Cold, clinical, and precise.

Raquel Welch - I'm Ready to Groove (from the OST to A Swingin' Summer , 1965) - But are you?

we all want to change the world

A post situ analysis of a social revolution in microcosm, as depicted in Date With Debbi #2 (March-April 1969):

Buddy Baxter, a representative of the existing social order, arrives at the Anderson household in order to seal a lopsided transaction of goods for services --in this case, a cheap bouquet of flowers in exchange for "getting some":


Debbi Anderson, having recently experienced an egalitarian epiphany, expresses her disgust for the traditional arrangement and desires one based on the mutual consent of equal parties. Buddy responds to her demands with a condescending tone intended to obstruct the paradigm shift by belittling its demands.


Realizing that Buddy has no intention of addressing her demands in a fair and open manner, ejects him from the house. She then tries to expand the scope of the revolution by approaching other affected members of the immediate community...


...but comes up against the ingrained false consciousness of the proletariat as well as opposition from those who benefit from the system as it presently exists, leading to violent direct action.


However, before the movement is able to gestate into a full-on insurrection, Debbi finds herself distracted by what Lenin deemed a momentary interest...


...in which the proletariat's immediate petty obsessions causes it to lose sight of its historical mission. Abandoning long-term objectives for short-term gain, Debbi re-enters negotiations with Buddy...


...who takes advantage of situtation and uses the collapse of the revolutionary opposition to dictate terms from a position of strength. He is thus not only able to restore the previous status quo...


...but also to force counter-revolutionary concessions in accordance with his own reactionary agenda.

(Eighteenth Century Guide to Modern Women, eh? I guess that explains this very out-of-context panel from Date With Debbi #3. It's okay. She walked into a door. Honest.)
Talulah Gosh - My Boy Says (from the 1988 "Testcard Girl" 12"; collected on Backwash, 1996) - But does he mean it?

Erasure - Chains of Love (from The Innocents, 1988) - Forget "The Internationale." When the revolution comes, I want it to be set to dance beats.

and you put the load right on me

I tend to be a bit hesitant in writing about body issues/weight issues. There are just too many overlapping and/or conflicting arguments tied up in the matter, from public health concerns to one's personal sense of self worth to the predatory market forces that offer unrealistic standards while selling junk food and dubious weight loss plans. The end result is a veritable key party of strange bedfellows, and no matter how many qualifiers or caveats I hedge my opinions with, it still feels like I'm reaching blind into a barrel of razor blades. No one should feel compelled to conform to an unobtainable ideal at the expense of their own sense of well being. That said, pulling a semi trailer with subcompact sporting a 4-cylinder is going to have dire consequences in the long run, especially when the most readily available fuel is prone to clogging the feed lines.

Here's an examination of body image issues, courtesy of Date With Debbi #15 (May-June 1971):

Debbi's friend Lylia is overweight. We know this because she is always shown either stuffing food into her face or participating in some tired old "fat" gag. See? She broke the scale because she's not wasp-waistedly skinny! Why she might even weight over 150 pounds! Call the circus!

Lylia has a crush on Henry, the George Lindsey-esque fellow who works at the gas station. She feels unfit to approach him because of her weight, overlooking the fact that a man who has free-floating eyebrows and who wears a felt crown to work should be the last person to judge someone based on appearances.

Now, I'm no psychiatrist, but it's been my experience that the kind of compulsive, binge eating behavior Lylia is depicted as having is often a symptom of an underlying sense of unhappiness, which can encompass any number of traumas large or small. To treat the manifestation without examining the cause seems rather irresponsible, especially considering the motivating factor in Lylia's desire to lose weight is a desire to be loved. It's sad if you think about it....

...but not so much that it can't be mined for some incredibly demeaning humor. Remember, kids, in the world of teen humor comics "fat" equals "will repudiate any personal dignity for the sake of a hot dog."

Twelve panels and a dozen similarly depressing gags later, Debbi has managed to reshape Lylia into a more socially acceptable size zero package and sends her off to woo the grease monkey of her dreams. Mission accomplished, right?

That ungrateful little witch! How dare she exhibit a newfound confidence about herself! (Actually, the "booking every boy in town for a date" bit would suggest that, as I mentioned before, Lylia's binge-eating problem had roots in personal issues such a lack of self-worth, which has now manifested itself in the social butterfly's need for external validation.)

Don't worry, Debbi has a plan to take care of that...

I have read many, many comics in my three and a half decades on this planet, and that has to be the cruelest, most sadistic ending to a story I've ever come across...and that's counting that 1950's EC horror story where the evil fireman slides down a giant razor blade put in place of the station's firepole.

As flies to wanton boys, are we to the gods, --They kill us for their sport. - Gloucester, King Lear (Act IV, Scene i)

The Band - The Weight (from Music From Big Pink, 1968) - One of those trancendental songs that just carries you away and takes you to someplace better for an all too brief time -- so of course it would end up being used in a commercial for cell phones.

Medium Medium - Hungry, So Angry (from a 1981 single; collected on Hungry, So Angry, 2001) - Postpunk funk with slap bass and crossover disco appeal.

Friday Night Fights: Tore Up My Tickets to See ELO

(from Date With Debbi #16, July-August 1971)

Tempermental teen queen Debbi Anderson busts a groove and scores a smash hit record...on some fool's head.

The Weirdos - Destroy All Music (from a 1977 single; collected on We Got the Neutron Bomb: Weird World, Vol. 2, 2003) - But fellas, music has proven itself more than capable of destroying itself... Speaking of which, I read an article today in a local weekly that tried to present Mandy Moore's new album as minor "indie" masterpiece.

Mojo Nixon - Don Henley Must Die (from Otis, 1990) - That's the Jacobin position. I ascribe to the Girondist position -- that letting him live to serve as a cautionary figure is the more effective course of action.

(Bahlactus has issued the clarion call to brawl.)

Friday Night Fights: She'll Knock You Pie-Eyed

Debbi Anderson doesn't need Bruce Lee. She's got Sara Lee.

(from Date With Debbi #2, March-April 1969)

Bahlactus is keeping the score card.

she knows what boys like

(click image to enlarge)

From 1969’s Debbi’s Dates #3, a poetic fashion revue focusing on culottes.

Let me restate that last bit. A sequence. Told in verse. About skorts. Illustrated by the bastard child of Peter Max and Alphonse Mucha.

That’s like nine slices of heaven for a retrologist such as me. Forget All Star Superman, it’s things like the above page that remind me why I love comic books so darn much.

For no other reason than the original version of the song popped into my head when I first came across this four-color fashion revue, here are two rather misguided new wave takes on The Doors’ classic “Hello, I Love You.”

Missing Persons – Hello, I Love You (from Spring Session M, 1982) – There are several excellent tracks on this album, but this isn’t one of them. I like the underlying concept – recasting the raw emotive sexuality of the original version as cold, robotic new wave pop – but the execution left a lot to be desired, and it ends up simply feeling perfunctory and rushed. I respect Dale Bozzio for not losing her Medford accent when she sings, although it’s much more pronounced in “Words.” (“Can you he-yah me? Do you cay-yah?” Go Mustangs!)

Adam Ant – Hello, I Love You (from Friend or Foe, 1982) – Why, Adam, why? (This question also applies to any part of Adam's post-Ants career.)

The Cure also recorded a couple versions of the song, which appear on the Join the Dots collection of rarities and whatnot, but I’m not sadistic (or masochistic) enough to inflict them on you at this time.

like a dancing flame on a bed of nails

There is something fascinating about Debbi Anderson, the mercurial teenage star of two teen comedy (aka “Archie clone”) titles, Date With Debbi and Debbi’s Dates, published by DC in the late 60’s/early 70’s. The character reminds me of my wife for some reason I just can’t put my finger on. There’s a superficial physical resemblance – short hair, freckles, the shape of the lips – although my wife’s hair is dark brown with chestnut highlights, not red, and she eschews flares and fringe in favor of jeans and punk rock/roller derby t-shirts.

Nah, it’s something else…

…like a short temper and propensity toward impulsive violence! That’s what it is!

I’m kidding (sort of). My wife is a very sweet, loving person who reserves her ample stores of ire for people and things that deserve it. As long as I’m not on the receiving end, it’s rather nice to be partnered with a ferocious angel of vengeance. Who says road rage can’t be a couples’ activity? (It’s safer, too, because I don’t need to take my hands off the wheel to flip asshole drivers off anymore. The lady has it covered.)

It can get a little terrifying on occasion, like when she threw a bowl out a second story window because it fell off the shelf “one too many times,” but it keeps domestic life interesting, to say the least.

The Pop Group – She Is Beyond Good and Evil (from Y, 1979) – Like an elemental force that cannot be constrained, only borne witness to… Wait; am I talking about this song or my wife’s temper?

Talulah Gosh – Break Your Face (from Backwash, 1996) – There is more sweet, melodic pop crammed into this one minute and fifteen seconds than in the entire discographies of lesser bands.

The Yachts – Look Back in Love (Not in Anger) (from The Yachts, 1979) – Not to be confused with “Yacht Rock,” this is a very retro-sounding slice (love those organ riffs!) of early British new wave.

Brigitte Handley – Mad at You (from Stand Your Ground, 2002) – As opposed to “Mad About You,” where a post-Go-Go’s Belinda Carlisle cavorts about the house in a man’s shirt while singing about her undying love for Paul Reiser. (As I get older, I find my brain compresses the less important memories together to free up storage space.)