Halloween Countdown: October 31 – though your music lingers on

All Hallows' Eve is upon us, dear readers, and with it, the final installment of this year's Halloween countdown. So which track has earned a place of honor at the top of the list?

In the 2006 countdown, I had a last minute change of heart and decided to go with UK Decay's ghoulishly trancendental "Unexpected Guest" over my original choice, Bauhaus' "Bela Lugosi's Dead," because as much as I love that seminal piece of gothica, it seemed too darn obvious. This time around, I've settled on a selection that, while familiar to most, perfectly captures (for me, at least) the feel of this haunted time of year. That track is...

The Cure - A Forest (from Seventeen Seconds, 1980)

I posted the entertainingly absurd Creaming Jesus cover of the song during last year's countdown, but nothing, nothing captures the melodic minimalist desolation of the original. It's the musical equivalent of a late October frost; though arguably the perkiest track on Seventeen Seconds, there is a coldness to "A Forest" that can induce gooseflesh even on the most opressively humid dog day in August.

For those hoping for something a little more visually terrifying, here's a joyous little gem culled from the pages of Forbidden Tales of Dark Mansion #9 (January-February 1973):


It comes from "The Head of the House," a horrid little tale that combines racist and sexist overtones with hamfistedly telegraphed plot twists. The moral of the story is "if you are going to ask an indigenous tribe for their secret of eternal beauty, you probably shouldn't insult and/or murder the members of said tribe prior to the administration of the process." Oh, and "unattractive women who bully their husbands will end up with a shrunken head."

And so concludes this year's Halloween countdown. I hope you've all enjoyed it and will perhaps stick around when AT resumes its normally scheduled programming, starting tomorrow. I'd also like to extend a big thanks to all those who've made with the linkage and kind words over the past thirty-one days.

I guess all that's left before I go off to binge on Z-grade 80's horror films and fun size boxes of Milk Duds (because my dentist could use the extra work) is to draw the curtains, kill the lights, and cue the end theme music...

Paul Williams - The Hell of It (from the Phantom of the Paradise OST, 1974) - The superior 70's glam rock horror flick: Rocky Horror or Phantom of the Paradise? I'm going to go with Brian De Palma and Paul Williams over Tim Curry and Susan Sarandon, if only because Phantom of the Paradise lacks the stigma of an overly rabid fan base. I call that "evoking the Joss Whedon Principle."

Halloween Countdown: October 30 – she loves her mate as he loves her

On this day in 2004, my girlfriend and I got married after an extended (as in "twelve-year") engagement. It was a very odd and exciting time, occurring within the temporal vale between Maura's birthday and Halloween, not to mention under the sign of the Red Sox 2004 World Series victory (an auspicious omen, if ever such things did exist). To be honest, I really don't remember much of the proceedings on that rainy Saturday afternoon, just some stray moments and flashes that were vivid enough to impress themselves on my subconsciousness through the adrenalin-fueled haze.

I do remember the following day, with my morning spent gathering up essentials from my old place to bring to the house on the hill that would become our home for then on out. Unfortunately, it happened to be the day when Woburn's annual Halloween parade was being held, and I was forced to detour through two neighboring towns to actually get to the new house where Maura was waiting for me. We did a little unpacking, made a quick trip to purchase some essentials, then bought some takeout which we ate on the couch while watching horror films on a 12-inch placeholder TV and handing out candy to the occasional trick-or-treater.

Better than a honeymoon in Oahu? Absolutely, and much cheaper, to boot.

Three years have passed. My wife and I have settled in nicely, our "Club of Two" is as strong and exclusive an organization as it has ever been, and the Sox have swept their way to another World Series victory.

I love this time of year.

Happy Anniversary, "Girl"!
X - The Hungry Wolf (from Under the Big Black Sun, 1982) - The couple that preys together stays together.

Shane MacGowan & Sinéad O'Connor - Haunted (from The Snake, 1995) - The wife and I had this better-than-the-original re-recording (with MacGowan's backing band, The Popes) of a Pogues track from the Sid and Nancy soundtrack played at our wedding reception.

I said "He's kind of shy/But that's the kind of girl I am/He's my kind of guy" -- that pretty much sums us up as a couple, I think.

Halloween Countdown: October 29 – bodies with no surprises

The latest addition to my wife's collection of spooky ephemera, purchased yesterday at the local Target store for a buck and a quarter:


When a button on the side of the skull's jaw is pressed, its eyes light up and it emits a tinny OOOO-EEEEE-OOOO noise that freaks the shit out of our house's resident pet population. Mildly creepy, I suppose, but the back of the skull's packaging is where the real terror resides:


I'm well aware of the long-standing relationship between skulls and heavy metal, but never have I seen it manifested quite so literally...

The "recycle or manage as hazardous waste" line makes me wonder if there's an abandoned salt mine beneath the Nevada desert packed to the gills with concrete-entombed dry storage casks full of spent Skulls With Sound & Light from Halloweens past.

The Misfits - Skulls (from Walk Among Us, 1982) - I'm not one for compiling lists of "desert island discs," but if I were to dabble in such maddening pursuits, Walk Among Us would be right up in my top five choices. The album serves up some often imitated, but never duplicated, first-rate melodic punk rock dripping with retro-macabre goodness that crams more high points into twenty-five minutes than most bands manage in their entire careers.

Sparkle Moore - Skull and Crossbones (from a 1956 single; collected on Good Girls Gone Bad: Wild Weird & Wanted, 2004) - WARNING: This track is classic female-fronted rockabilly, a genre known to Armagideon Time to knock the unwary listener onto his or her ass with its sheer awesomeness.

Halloween Countdown: October 28 – the litter of death

To honor the birthday of my wife, Maura, Queen of Animals, here's a heartwarming little tale from Unexpected #197 (April 1980). I'm positively certain she'd approve of its message.

Larry, a plucky orphan lad, has a job at the all-kill shelter run by the shify Mr. Griggs. (It's all part of the "This is how the world works; You better get used to it now, kid" vocational training/soulcrushing program enacted by the Bush Administration in 2002.)

Damn, and I borrowed against my cat-killing commission this week, too!
Larry hates the job, but apparently not enough to find work that doesn't involve the mass execution of felines. As his underdeveloped sense of morality wrestles with his need for pocket money, Larry has a fateful encounter with Miss Mildred, a somewhat sinister old woman who wants to repay Larry's previous kindnesses with a gift -- a pet cat.

Seeing as how you spend your day killing and cremating her feline kindred, I figured it would be just the thing to lift your spirits!
Because his orphanage has a strict "no pets" rule, Larry asks Mr. Grigg if he can keep the cat at the shelter. (Besides being morally confused, Larry is also a tad stupid.) Grigg agrees, but for his own sinister reasons...

This will bring me $1.25 closer to that new purple suit jacket I've had my eye on!
Gee, what a surprise. However, before Grigg can slip the poor kitty the needle...

Now, my children, now! Enact Attack Plan Felix! Meow!
And so, when Larry arrives at work the next day:

Wow, our feral cats usually just leave us dead moles as "presents." At least this crew left the head on their kill and didn't create Nasca-type patterns on the front step with Grigg's entrails.

My name is Midnight...and you'd better be nice to me.
Oh, and it turns out, by way of the the closing "host" segment of the story, that Miss Mildred was a witch, and the cat was a -- GASP -- witch's cat. That explains the accelerated maturation cycle of the kittens, although I think that the story becomes even better if one imagines Grigg being savaged to death by these kids. Milk teeth and undeveloped claws = a long, slow, horrific, yet highly entertaining and goofy death.

Cerrone - Supernature (from Cerrone III - Supernature, 1977) - I posted Erasure's cover of this Eurodisco classic as part of last year's Halloween Countdown, and now here's the original version of this danceable cautionary tale of the animal kingdom's vengeance. A musical and ideological favorite of Maura's, the track was co-written by Lene Lovich (who happens to be a musical and ideological favorite of my wife's, as well).

Happy Birthday, My Crazy Foo!

Halloween Countdown: October 27 – patch it up with frosting and entropy

I spent this stormy Saturday afternoon engaged in some fiendish alchemical pursuits of my own, actually.

Dare you face the delicious terror that is....


...THE CAKE OF ENTROPIC DOOM? (Or, in less purple terms, my wife's birthday cake.) Sure, it looks unassuming and innocent, but the cream cheese frosting and gumdrops are just there to lure the unwary into sampling its devilishly rich texture.

Icicle Works - In the Cauldron of Love (from Icicle Works, 1984) - It's a little outside the established Halloween music boundaries, I'll grant you, but the track certainly has its spooky moments (the bridge especially), and most importantly, fits today's theme.

Friday Night Fights: Words Like Violence

Our final installment of the Halloween Countdown/Friday Night Fights mashup features a full contact throwdown between Dr. Strange ("The Master of the Mystic Arts") and Morbius ("The Living Vampire"). For the sake of fairness, there will be a strict "No Spells" rule in place.

Are you okay with that, Doctor?

(from Doctor Strange: Sorcerer Supreme #10, November 1989; by Roy & Dann Thomas and Jackson Guice)
Because there are some problems best solved not though the use of reality-warping magic, but rather through the judicious application of a two-by-four to a deserving fool's noggin...

I'm quite fond of the Thomas/Thomas/Guice run on the good Doctor's late 1980's series, which did an excellent job of humanizing the character while maintaining his aura of mysterious power. Even the title's requisite tie-ins to the "Acts of Vengeance" line-wide event (which pitted Strange against Hobgoblin and the Enchantress) were better than they had any obligation to be. Apart from last year's exceptional Doctor Strange: The Oath miniseries, the run marked the last time I felt a creative team actually "got" the essence of the character.

Depeche Mode - Enjoy the Silence (from The Singles 86>98, 1998) - ... (That's me, enjoying it as all right-thinking souls should.)

Halloween Countdown: October 26 – I once saw one drinking a Pina Colada

Because there's a Hunter's Moon tonight, I thought it would be wise if I posted an excerpt from The Talbot Field Guide of Lycanthrope Variants (Illustrated Edition):

The Oliver Reed-Wolf
First appearance: The Curse of the Werewolf (1961)
Origin: Born under a curse
Likes: Frilly shirts, cattle mutilation, alcohol
Weaknesses: Silver bullets, church bells, alcohol

Nazi Aquatic Werewolf (a.k.a. "Sea Wolf")
First Appearance: The Young All-Stars #1 (June 1987)
Origin: Born of the fevered imagination of Roy Thomas
Likes: Book burnings, bratwurst, swimming, finding ways to work the word "sea" in casual conversation
Weaknesses: Native American teenagers wearing fur cloaks and speedos, war crimes trials

Teenage Werewolf (1950's "Landon" Version)
First Appearance: I Was a Teenage Werewolf (1957)
Origin: Induced bestial regression through hypnosis
Likes: Pretty teenage gymnasts, rebelling against authority, mauling his classmates by the light of the full moon
Weaknesses: Lectures from Pa Cartwright, bedwetting


Teenage Werewolf (1980's "Fox" Version)
First Appearance: Teen Wolf (1985)
Origin: Hereditary curse
Likes: Playing basketball, partying, van-surfing
Weaknesses: Teen Wolf Too starring Jason Bateman


Yankee Tourist Werewolf
First Appearance: An American Werewolf in London (1981)
Origin: Failure to keep clear of the moors
Likes: Jenny Agutter, Dr. Pepper, rampaging through Piccadilly Circus
Weaknesses: small arms fire, the lingering stigma of Makin' It

Cap-Wolf
First Appearance: Captain America #405 (Late August 1992)
Origin: The fatigue that set in during the later half of Mark Gruenwald's run as writer on Captain America
Likes: Mom, baseball, apple pie, sniffing other lycanthropes' asses
Weaknesses: The indelible shame of it all

Halloween Countdown: October 25 – the colour out of sync

For today's installment of AT's Halloween Countdown, I bring you a fragment of nightmare culled from the forbidden grimiore of embarrassment that is the Weiss Family Photo Album:


Yes, that's your humble narrator in the middle, serving as a shocking reminder of the horrors associated with having an artist for a parent. I know my mom meant well, and it was a pretty innovative and well-executed costume, but it wasn't designed with a sense of awareness about how cruel eight-year-olds could be to a peer who shows up for the class Halloween party wearing a green dunce cap. Also, the issue of whether or not I wanted to go door to door on All Hallow's Eve dressed as a green crayon was never actually addressed amidst my mother's frenzy of creative inspiration. Dressing up in costume loses its luster when it's done under parental diktat. My little brother, dressed up as Punchy, the Hawaiian Punch mascot, in the above photo, looks positively dignified in comparison.

Is it any wonder I've grown up to be a master of shirking obligations and avoiding mandates? Or that I can't even glance at a deluxe 64-color set of Crayolas without developing an odd facial tic?

Come to think of it, I can't think of any Halloween costume I ever wore as a kid that I actually liked, including the ones I came up with on my own. Part of the problem is the fact that it's cold up here in New England in late October, which leads to embarrassing costume compromises such as "Dracula in a Plaid Cardigan," "Chinos-under-Toga Julius Caesar" (I wanted to go as a Roman centurion, but again, mom had other ideas), or "Reluctant Green Crayon Wearing an Ugly-Ass Coat from Zayre's".

Halloween Countdown: October 24 – come out of the garden, baby

When I was writing Monday's Prince of Darkness post, I kept thinking of another film made two decades prior that incorporated many of the same elements, and to much better effect. The film is Quatermass and the Pit, released in America as Five Million Years to Earth, and was a Hammer Studios adaptation of a 1958 BBC television serial.

Professor Bernard Quatermass, the quintessential man of science and reason, was the creation of writer Nigel Kneale, and made appearances in various media from the early 1950's to the late 1970's. Kneale himself wrote the screenplay for the big screen version of Quatermass and the Pit, which is one of Hammer's finest efforts and probably the most aesthetically successful attempt in capturing the essence of cosmic horror on film, despite technically falling under the science fiction genre tag. (John Carpenter acknowledged his debt to the franchise in Prince of Darkness by crediting the screenplay to a "Martin Quatermass" as well as featuring a "Kneale University" in the film, much to Nigel Kneale's displeasure.)

The discovery of prehistoric remains and a strange rocket-like craft during subway construction beneath the reputedly "cursed" neighborhood of Hobbs End sets off a jurisdictional dispute between the transit authority, the archeological community, and the military's unexploded ordnance group. Quatermass, as a member of Britain's Experimental Rocket Group, finds himself drawn into the puzzle of the mysterious vessel's origin and how it connects to ancient myths and the origins of humanity.

It all culminates with the arrival of this fellow, the psychic manifestation of an alien race's will to mass suicide -- a popular pastime on the insectoid beings' home planet -- which they generously bequeathed to humanity via the genetic manipulation of our ancient ancestors.

Welcome to Swingin' London, hepcats! This party's not stopping until there's nothing left standing.
As I said, it's an excellent film; the writing and acting are strong enough to keep one from noticing the high level of talkiness (a common flaw in Hammer productions), and the ending is nothing short of remarkable. (If I could explain it in more detail without spoiling it, I would. Suffice to say, its impact lies in its unusual execution.) I give it my highest recommendation.

The DVD of the film is currently out of print (and commands extortionate prices on the secondary market), but it is available to rent though Netflix. So what are you waiting for?

Defuser - World Suicide (from a 1982 single) - San Francisco art punk/wave with a darkly humorous sensibility. I only rediscovered the song recently, but I swear I remember hearing it on local college/aternative radio back when I was a wee lad.

Tristam Cary - Quatermass and the Pit (from Hammer Film Music Collection, Vol. 1, 2000) - Atmospheric and effective, but it doesn't hold a candle to Moon Zero Two in the best Hammer film theme sweepstakes. (That's an unfair comparison. Nothing holds a candle to the Moon Zero Two theme, period.)

Halloween Countdown: October 23 – her eyes were the color of insanity

Andrea was warned about what would happen if she decided to kick off her Sunday shoes. She foolishly ignored the advice of her parents and her pastor, and look what happened:

DON'T LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU.
RESIST SATAN'S CALL TO CUT FOOTLOOSE.
Bauhaus - St. Vitus Dance (from In the Flat Field, 1980) - Perfect for getting one's dyskinesiac groove on.

Flogging Molly - Devil's Dance Floor (from Swagger, 2000) - Not to be confused with this.

Halloween Countdown: October 22 – the flavor of the beast

For several millennia, humankind has labored to grasp what the real nature of evil truly is. Is it an abstract, relative concept? Or a concrete and absolute force? Is it embodied by a big, red guy with cloven hooves and a pitchfork? Or, as I and many others have come to believe, does its physical manifestation come in the form of the vile weed known as cilantro?

While the theologians, philosophers, and gourmands of the world attempt to hash out details of this thorny debate, filmmaker John Carpenter has offered his only theory about the nature of evil. As detailed in 1987's damp squib of a horror movie, Prince of Darkness, Carpenter posits that evil is actually a couple dozen gallons of swirling green goop shakily contained inside the bastard child of a water cooler and a lava lamp.


Last night, I sat in on my wife's annual viewing of Prince of Darkness (as part of her Halloween season movie-watching marathon). It had been a while since I'd seen the film in its entirety, and while I didn't think it has aged well compared to my memories of past viewings, it was still an enjoyable experience. It's not a great (or even a "really good") movie, but it is John Carpenter working his familiar "spooky Alamo" trope with some interesting cosmic horror elements tossed into the mix. Unfortunately, it's those latter elements, used in contrast with more traditional film scare tactics, that ultimately derail Prince of Darkness.

Cosmic horror, dealing with epic concepts and existential terrors, is a difficult genre to translate to film because the visceral, immediate "gotcha" moments that are the trademark of Hollywood spookshows matter less than the the tonal slow burn of mounting dread, fueled by revelatory exposition and a sense of the unspoken, terrible answer looming at the periphery. Even the grandmaster of the cosmic horror genre, H. P. Lovecraft, was not immune to falling back upon less subtle spookwork in his stories. (The shoggoth chase in "At the Mountains of Madness," for example.)

The exposition-heavy set-ups required by the cosmic genre tend to work better on paper, where it's easier to pass off "non-euclidean angles" and "colors outside the earthly spectrum" without having to fall into the Helen of Troy trap (that is, the problem of visually depicting the indescribable). What all this fancy talk means in terms of Prince of Darkness is that the movie plays out as a lumpy stew where the characters attempt (and fail, mostly) to couch Christian theology in terms of quantum physics while fending off hordes of the demonically possessed.

Imagine a version of Resident Evil where the characters stop to recite passages from Richard Feynman's work every ten minutes or so, and you've pretty much got the idea. It's a shame, because the ideas being bandied out in the movie are quite fascinating, despite the confusing and haphazard way in which they're presented.

The film does have a number of unsettling moments sprinkled amidst the confusion, and features appearances by several Carpenter regulars, as well as a scene featuring Alice Cooper impaling a man with a bicycle. For sheer terrifying power, however, nothing in the film tops leading man Jameson (Simon & Simon) Parker's aggressively disturbing blonde mustache. (Between that, his Ken doll hairstyle, and his compeltely hairless chest, I found myself referring to his character simply as "Chad Pornstar" when discussing the film with my wife afterwards.)

Gaze upon the facial fuzz of evil, and despair!
Here we have the theme from Prince of Darkness, along with an excellent gothic-tinged cover -- courtesy of AT fave Blood and Roses -- of the best film theme the multi-talented Mr. Carpenter ever composed:

John Carpenter - Prince of Darkness (from The Essential John Carpenter, 2002)

Blood and Roses - Escape from Precinct 13 (from Enough Is Never Enough, 1985; collected on Same as It Never Was, 2007)

(Finally, if any of my readers happen to know the exact location of the church where the film was shot, please leave a comment or drop me a line. My wife is dying to know The church is now the Union Center for the Arts in Little Tokyo, not too far from City Hall. The interior shots were done at a studio in Valencia.)

Halloween Countdown: October 21 – the long lost cousin to King Farouk

"Say, Mr. Mummy, you're looking a little down in the facial wrappings. How about you tell old Unca Cap what's bothering you. You'll feel a lot better, trust me. Why, just the other day I talked It! The Living Colossus down off a ledge."

"Well, if I had to hazard I guess, I'd attribute that to your poor anger management skills, not to mention your ghastly and hideous appearance. As I used to tell the Blazing Skull back in Dubya Dubya Two..."

"Uh, Mr. Mummy? Are you listening to me, son?"

"Look, the truth hurts, and the sooner you learn to accept it....Hey!"


The Verdicts - The Mummy's Ball (from These Ghoulish Things, 2005) - A lovely bit of vintage Brooklyn doo wop with spooktacular overtones.

Kwentin Quisp - The Way Out Mummy (from the Bent, Batty, & 'Bnoxious compilation, 1988) - Occupying a twisted patch of ground between "Monster Mash" and "King Tut" in the bizarre realm of novelty recordings.

(For the record, this is officially the stupidest post I've ever done for Armagideon Time.)

Halloween Countdown: October 20 – it keeps on haunting me

Faced with the looming spectre of cancellation, the producers of Jennifer Slept Here tried to spice things up a bit to boost the failing sitcom's ratings.*


Love triangles are complicated enough business without throwing possession by unclean spirits into the mix, though I confess that the notion of ectoplasmic catfights does have a certain sleazy appeal for me.

The Fall - There's a Ghost in My House (from The Frenz Experiment, 1988) - This is a nifty cover of a 1967 R. Dean Taylor hit (in Britain, at least). R. Dean Taylor is also the man responsible for my all time favorite karaoke selection, 1970's poignantly absurd "Indiana Wants Me."

* No, not really.

Friday Night Fights: Have to Put My Magic Powers to Use

(from Strange Tales #171, December 1973; by Wein, Colan, and Giacoia)
Brother Voodoo, "The Man Who Lived Twice," conjures up a fistful of hurting on Baron Samedi.

While I had planned to keep with the Frankenstein theme during the October convergence of Balactus's Friday Night Fights and my Halloween countdown, I couldn't pass up the chance to spotlight one of my favorite mondo obscuro characters of the 1970's. Jericho Drumm stands not only between the realm of spirits and the material world, but at the intersection where the 1971 relaxation of the Comics Code (which allowed for horror-themed characters and titles) and the Blaxsploitation craze crossed paths as well. A very nice piece of real estate indeed, even if the stories featuring the character weren't especially inspired.

Josie & The Pussycats - Voodoo (from a 1970 promotional 7"; collected on Stop Look & Listen: The Capitol Recordings, 2001) - The magic of bubblegum pop is a force to be reckoned with.

Halloween Countdown: October 19 – to brighten up even your darkest night

In the pantheon of horror movie icons, one man stands head and shoulders above the rest, and that man is Vincent Price.

Don't get me wrong; I'm not dismissing the popcult influence or impact of Chaney pater, Lugosi, Karloff, Cushing, Lee, or Carradine, all genre icons in their own right. But more than anyone else, Price served as unofficial spokesperson for all things spooky for generations of impressionable children, including yours truly, with an unrivaled media presence over the course of several decades. (Boris Karloff came closest, at least in the North American market, but he passed away not long after the wave of 1960's monster mania hit.)

While other actors and actresses worried about being typecast, Price seemed to seize his mid-career shift from suave leading man to the horror genre's to-go guy with gusto in everything from advertisements to films to voiceover work to teaching those damn Brady kids a well-deserved lesson. (Oh, Oliver...) Because of his popcult ubiquity, Price's unmistakable voice, urbane yet menacing -- with just the right hint of wryness -- ranks up there with Paul Lynde's in recognizability for folks in my age bracket.

I'd have a hard time deciding which of Vincent Price's films I enjoy the most. The Raven (co-starring Karloff and Peter Lorre), The Haunted Palace (a solid adaptation of Lovecraft's The Case of Charles Dexter Ward), and Theatre of Blood (with the lovely Diana Rigg) are all high on the list. Witchfinder General is also a favorite, if a bit too grim for casual viewing.

I'm especially fond of the two Dr. Phibes films, with their trippy Art Deco-inspired art direction and dark comedic undertones, but if push came to shove, I'd have to go with Tomb of Ligeia, one of the lesser films in the Vincent Price/Roger Corman "Poe Cycle." It's a flawed film (even by Roger Corman standards) in many respects, but Price looks so damn cool in those anachronistic wraparound sunglasses. (The BoingBoing kids would call them "steampunk," but then they'd also call a pot of geraniums with a copper coil stuck in the dirt "steampunk.") It also features the best two lines of dialogue ever spoken in the history of the dramatic arts:

I tried to kill a stray cat with a cabbage, and all but made love to the Lady Rowena. I succeeded in squashing the cabbage and badly frightening the lady.

I feel your pain, brother. I've been in that same situation more times than I care to count.

Seriously, is there anything in 30 Days of Night that could possibly top that?

Vincent Price & The Muppet Monsters - You've Got a Friend (from The Muppet Show, Episode #1.19; October 19, 1976) - In which the hidden connection between Carole King and the gothic rock scene is finally revealed.

(Special thanks to Mikester for providing the scan of the Shrunken Head ad.)

Halloween Countdown: October 18 – his and hearse

"Groovy," indeed...and just one of many reasons to date a lass from Cemetery Heights, despite what the chattering classes (i.e. "Scooter" and "Cookie") might say.

The Ghastly Ones - Haulin' Hearse (from A Haunting We Will Go-Go, 1998) - No need to worry about low gas mileage, because this souped-up corpsemobile is fueled by the hi-test, clean-burning power of surf guitar.

Daniel Ash - Spooky (from Daniel Ash, 2002) - The Bauhaus/Tones on Tail/Love and Rockets alumnus (and male lipstick model) turns in a creditable cover of the 1968 hit by Classics IV (which should not be confused with Police Academy IV: Citizens on Patrol, an entirely different kind of classic).

Halloween Countdown: October 17 – you just painted me green

Found while perusing a copy of Swing With Scooter #31 (November 1970):
Dig the ad copy, which was apparently written by an acolyte of E.H. Bronner:

MORE! MORE! Owwwwww!
I admit that convincing the youth demographic about the virtues of owning a scale replica of Jonathan Frid would be something of an uphill battle, no matter how cold, clammy, or flexible said replicas may be. Still, the ad functions not so much an enticement to buy the product as a desperate warning to the unwary.

Either that, or a transcript of most disturbing in situ coital talk ever spoken.

The Damned - Grimly Fiendish (from Phantasmagoria, 1985) - Maybe when this countdown is over, I'll get around to discussing the memory hole and capricious revisionism as it pertains to music and popcult criticism. For now, I'm just going to state that my affection for Phantasmagoria has remained constant against the shifting tides of critical assessment.

Halloween Countdown: October 16 – in strange aeons, even acidwash will die

Those Demim Ones were gone now, relegated to the dim limbo of consignment shops and Planet Aid drop-offs; but their dead bodies had told their fashion secrets in dreams to the first men, who created a style which had never died. It had always existed and always would exist, hidden in distant closets and dark wardrobes all over the world until the time when the great priest Osh'kosh'b'gosh, from his retail storefront in the mighty city of St'rip Ma'al, should rise and bring all trousers again beneath his sway. Some day he would call, when the measurements were ready, and the fashionistas would always be waiting to liberate him.

These jeans we wear were once theirs, and will one day be theirs again.

D'kron c'tton b'lend.

- H.P. Toughskins, "At the Inseams of Madness."

Fred Schneider - Monster (from Fred Schneider & The Shake Society, 1984) - Release the beast!

Halloween Countdown: October 15 – there's a crack in the mirror

So, if the critical theorists are to be believed, the horror story, at its core, functions as cautionary tale intended to reinforce normative behavior (by depicting the grim fate of transgressors) and/or reflect contemporary societal anxieties. With that in mind, let's turn our attention to "The Boy Who Cried Vampire," another tale from the headscratchingly bizarre Chilling Adventures in Sorcery As Told By Sabrina #1 (September, 1972).

During the course of a family dinner party, young Stanley Caldwell makes a discovery about his dapper (yet sinister) "Uncle Brucie," a frequent guest of the family:

Stanley's protests fall upon deaf ears, but after the party, he encounters Uncle Brucie in the study, and...well...

That's a very...interesting...choice of metaphor, and quite possibly the inspiration behind this.

When Stanley emerges from his trance with a fresh set of puncture wounds on his neck, he attempts to expose Uncle Brucie's secret life, though perhaps not in the most effective manner. Bare-chested histrionics have their place and all, but one mustn't let the medium obscure the message:

"Yes, Magic Fork, impart unto us your flatware wisdom!"

The discovery of Occam's meatprongs on the carpet leads Stanley's parents, with a little encouragement from Uncle Brucie, to conclude that Stanley must have accidentally stabbed himself with the sharp object while sleepwalking. "See, son, there's no such thing as vampires! You just happened to mutilate yourself while in a zombie-like state! Feel better now?"

In order to reassure Stanley, Mr. Caldwell calls in a few favors and takes the fork to an open-all-night forensic pathologist who specializes in cutlery-related injuries. The pathologist's results confirm the sleepwalking theory, and a chastened Stanley apologizes to Uncle Brucie, who offers to give the teen a ride home.

But it's not long before Brucie parks his car in a nice, secluded place, and...

It's the Bram Stoker version of Boys Beware!

...and so another innocent youth is indoctrinated into the vampiric lifestyle. When will society ever learn?

Concrete Blonde - Bloodletting (The Vampire Song) (from Bloodletting, 1990) - I never paid much mind to Concrete Blonde back in the day, but I've since grown to appreciate a select few of their songs, due to their being in heavy rotation (along with The The's and The Wonder Stuff's material) on the digital music channel I listen to while reading.