Halloween Countdown: October 15 – there's a crack in the mirror

So, if the critical theorists are to be believed, the horror story, at its core, functions as cautionary tale intended to reinforce normative behavior (by depicting the grim fate of transgressors) and/or reflect contemporary societal anxieties. With that in mind, let's turn our attention to "The Boy Who Cried Vampire," another tale from the headscratchingly bizarre Chilling Adventures in Sorcery As Told By Sabrina #1 (September, 1972).

During the course of a family dinner party, young Stanley Caldwell makes a discovery about his dapper (yet sinister) "Uncle Brucie," a frequent guest of the family:

Stanley's protests fall upon deaf ears, but after the party, he encounters Uncle Brucie in the study, and...well...

That's a very...interesting...choice of metaphor, and quite possibly the inspiration behind this.

When Stanley emerges from his trance with a fresh set of puncture wounds on his neck, he attempts to expose Uncle Brucie's secret life, though perhaps not in the most effective manner. Bare-chested histrionics have their place and all, but one mustn't let the medium obscure the message:

"Yes, Magic Fork, impart unto us your flatware wisdom!"

The discovery of Occam's meatprongs on the carpet leads Stanley's parents, with a little encouragement from Uncle Brucie, to conclude that Stanley must have accidentally stabbed himself with the sharp object while sleepwalking. "See, son, there's no such thing as vampires! You just happened to mutilate yourself while in a zombie-like state! Feel better now?"

In order to reassure Stanley, Mr. Caldwell calls in a few favors and takes the fork to an open-all-night forensic pathologist who specializes in cutlery-related injuries. The pathologist's results confirm the sleepwalking theory, and a chastened Stanley apologizes to Uncle Brucie, who offers to give the teen a ride home.

But it's not long before Brucie parks his car in a nice, secluded place, and...

It's the Bram Stoker version of Boys Beware!

...and so another innocent youth is indoctrinated into the vampiric lifestyle. When will society ever learn?

Concrete Blonde - Bloodletting (The Vampire Song) (from Bloodletting, 1990) - I never paid much mind to Concrete Blonde back in the day, but I've since grown to appreciate a select few of their songs, due to their being in heavy rotation (along with The The's and The Wonder Stuff's material) on the digital music channel I listen to while reading.