Halloween Countdown: October 12 – a sound to die for

Jazz trumpeter Mason Chaney has hit rock bottom, but when a wandering booking agent spots Chaney chugging isopropyl alcohol in a back alley, he is given one last chance to redeem himself. The only problem is that Chaney has long since pawned his horn in exchange for a gallon jug of Thunderbird.

Seaching for a suitable replacement that won't set him back more than a few units of plasma, Chaney stumbles into a local branch of Ye Olde Sinister Curiosity Shop^TM (NasdaqGS: YOSC), where the franchise owner offers Chaney a deal on a unusual substitute for his horn:

"Yeah, it's not as if the one incredibly fortuitous chance for me to get back on top depends on whether on not this weird-looking hunk of brass actually functions properly or anything. I mean, if you can't trust the quality of merchandise found in a pawn shop, what can you trust?"

Chaney is able to perform as scheduled, and his show is a big success...

...providing one measures success by the number of wealthy jazz enthusiasts killed, and really, who doesn't?

Well, Chaney for one, who returns to Ye Olde Sinister Curiosity Shop^TM to file a complaint with the branch manager, who just happens to be the earthly embodiment of evil incarnate (which bears out my impression of franchise holders and middle managers in general):

This just goes to show that it's essential for even the most omniscient and omnipotent divine beings to have a comprehensive loss prevention policy complete with an aggressively proactive system of inventory management in place.

Suppose that this was to be the Day of Judgement: All the hosts of Cherubim, Seraphim, and Archangels are ready to go off to wage the final battle against the forces of darkness at Meggido. God motions to Gabriel to sound the call to battle, and the hapless angel starts patting the folds of his celestial robes in search of his trumpet. "Um, one moment, Your Greatness, it's got to here somewhere. I had it with me when I left, honest. Let see... Y'know, maybe it's in my other set of vestments..."

Perhaps if Chaney had bothered to read the newspapers before balling them up and sticking them in his clothes for insulation, he might have been aware that the Ye Olde Sinister Curiosity Shop^TM chain had been sold to the Amalgamated Diabolic Consortium (NasdaqGS: ADCS) for $6.66 per share last fall.

While the Horned One values Chaney's patronage very much, and wants to ensure that he has the most satisfying customer experience in dealing with the forces of evil, Satan does have a reputation to live up to, and so...

Death by "Flight of the Bumblebee"? Wow, the devil really is a cruel motherfucker...

That should have been the end of this nonsense, but since this is a horror comic story published in the 1970's...

As a result, readership of the New Yorker dropped by 90%, NPR had its worst ever year for fundraising, and a prodigious amount of tenure track vacancies opened up in college English programs across the nation...

(Taken from "The Demon Horn" by Gerry Boudreau and Gerry Talaoc, which appeared in Forbidden Tales of Dark Mansion #15, February-March 1974 )

Artie Shaw - Nightmare (from The Very Best of Artie Shaw, 2001) - The King of Clarinet's signature tune is a downtempo bluesy bit of big band swing perfect for inducing some noir-ish night terrors.