Vacation 2008: Day 2 - The world shines for me today

While the skies above Boston's northwestern suburbs indulged in a pageant worthy of Wagner, the wife and I chanced the torrential rains and thunderbolts in order to indulge in some nerdspicuous consumption at the comic/used book shop two towns over.

I was specifically searching for copies of Twilight Zone Magazine from the early 1980's and the frustratingly elusive issues of Date With Debbi and Debbi's Dates I need to fill out my collection. Though I came up empty-handed on those fronts, I still scored a respectable trove of items of retrological importance -- the Burning Sensations' mini-LP, The Brains' eponymous 1980 album, a vinyl copy of the Xanadu OST in its gatefold cover glory, and a small stack of Dynamite and Pizzazz magazines from the 1970's.

Total price: Just a shade over twenty bucks.

When we got home from our shopping trip, BBC America was playing a block of episodes from the second season of Spaced.

This is what vacations are supposed to be like.

Mint Royale - Space Farm (from On the Ropes, 1999)

Electric Light Orchestra - I'm Alive (from the Xanadu OST, 1980)

they got the talk

Sgt. Nick Fury reminisces about some of the women he and his unit of goldbricks have crossed paths with:

(from Sgt. Fury and His Howling Commandos Annual #5, 1969)
Yep, Sophia Loren once fought alongside the Howling Commandos. Truly a pivotal moment in the history of fan-fiction.

I don't want to jump to conclusions, but in the cases of Carla and Dr. Reiker it's hard for me not to overlook the fact that at the time this comic was published, it was a commonly held belief on the right wing of the political spectrum that the both the civil rights and anti-war movements were run by communist dupes.

Then again, we are talking about crazy mixed up dames, right, fellas?

Rodgers & Hammerstein - There Is Nothin' Like a Dame (from South Pacific: An Original Soundtrack Recording, 1958) - Eliminate all other possibilites, and the one which remains must necessarily be a dame.

Graham Parker - Local Girls (from Squeezing Out Sparks, 1979) - A shining example of the "Cranky Not-Really-That-Young Man" school of new wave.

go tell Chief Brody

Actor Roy Scheider has passed away at the age of 75.

He was of that rare breed of "regular guy" working actors (see also James Caan) that helped make 70's cinema the wonderfully unique beast that it was. Over the course of his film career, Scheider tangled with Marseillais drug smugglers, two killer sharks, a fugitive Nazi dentist, an alien monolith, and the introduction of hack sci-fi elements and the DeLuise brothers into the seaQuest DSV universe -- only to succumb to complications related to his recent struggle with myeloma.

It's a damn shame, really. You'd think that having survived a Jeannot Szwarc film and the machinations of Universal (by itself and with its tag team partner, NBC) executives, cancer of the blood plasma would have been small potatoes.

Adios, Roy. As the wife put it, "The Mayor of Shark City is dead? Summer is over."

Roy Scheider & Ben Vereen - Bye Bye Love (from the All That Jazz OST, 1979) - The coda to Bob Fosse's 1979 semi-autobiographical musical, which netted Scheider (in the role Fosse's fictionalized avatar) an Oscar for Best Actor. Using the song that launched the Everly Brothers as a springboard, the piece weaves together the complementary strains of self-indulgent excess associated with both the musical genre and the Me Decade. Clocking in at just under ten bombastic minutes, the track falls well outside the boundaries of casual listening material, but it serves as an excellent reminder (if you lived through the era) or perfect illustration (if you came of age afterward) of what set the 1970's apart from any decade before or since.

Arthur B. Rubinstein - Main Title/Crook Dusting (from the Blue Thunder OST, 1983) - I'd make a witty comment about how the paranoia-laden militarization of law enforcement theme of this 1983 Scheider/assault helicopter buddy flick seems oddly prescient, given the path American society has taken in the past quarter-century, but I'm too busy massaging my temples and trying to get my jaws to unclench.

Plymouth Rock would land on them

What I thought was a sinus headache has turned out to be something even nastier and more virulent, and I've spent most of the day feeling like I'm controlling my body via remote feed through a haze of electromagnetic interference.

My planned topic for today has been temporarily shelved. In its place are some highlights from the unsubtle, yet prescient What If? #44 (April 1984) -- "What if Captain America were revived today?" -- by Peter B. Gillis, Sal Buscema, and Dave Simons.

"...and the Federalist Society and the Project for a New American Century and the Board of Trustees of Regent College's Law School..." Actually, I'd be more comfortable with a secret ruling cabal that included 1930's movie serial villains, Revolutionary War re-enactors, and luchadores than with the one currently running the show.

"...and that's Giuliani's campaign strategy?" A tip of the hat to Cap for his clever decision to disguise himself as Billy Crocker.

The organizers of the White House Correspondents' Dinner thought they were making a "safe" choice by asking Cap to emcee. The video of his monologue went on to become the most viewed clip in YouTube's history.

The Cortinas - Fascist Dictator (from a 1977 single) - Straightforward, no-frills '77 Britpunk...and there's nothing wrong with that, really.

Ella Fitzgerald - Anything Goes (from Ella Fitzgerald Sings the Cole Porter Songbook, 1956) - This marks the second time I've used a track from Anything Goes, and it's not even my favorite musical. That honor is split between between Show Boat and Bye Bye Birdie. (Unless you consider Clambake a musical, though wise souls try not to consider Clambake, period.)

no matter how hopeless, no matter how far

I think it was the late Marvel writer and editor Mark Gruenwald who once stated that “Every character is someone’s favorite.” If that attributed maxim is true, then who among you will testify to “The Sacrifice of Kid Psycho”?

Anyone? Anyone? No? Okay, then I guess it’s up to me.

Our story begins in Superboy #125 (December 1965), when a teenage Clark Kent encounters a mysterious youth walking about Smallville. Dressed like he’s auditioning for a role in Johnny Carson’s Carnac Babies and possessing a code name better suited to any given second-grade class’s token biter, the copiously be-foreheaded Kid Psycho uses his incredible mental powers to aid the Boy of Steel while messing with his head.

Eventually Kid Psycho levels with Superboy, telling him that he is from a thousand years in the future, and gained his powers (and honkingly huge head) because his parents once nuked a gigantic space octopus, the radiation-induced genetic damage leading to a super-powered offspring. (Hey, kids: Always remember to wear lead aprons when using high-yield gamma ray weapons against cosmic cephalapods!) His own planet having been destroyed in a fender bender between celestial objects, Kid Psycho decided there was nothing else to do but join the Legion of Super-Heroes.

The Legion, being the obnoxious bunch of jerks they are, turned him down, so Kid Psycho travels back in time to do an end run around his rejection by kissing up to Legion member Superboy, whom he hopes will vouch for him. “Your home world is gone; my home world is gone. Don’t you feel a spiritual connection there? Yeah? Yeah? It’s like we’re brothers or something! C’mon, dude, do me a solid!” Superboy falls for Psycho’s sob story hook, line, and x-ray vision-proof lead sinker, and they whisk off through the time barrier to set those Legion snobs straight.

Alas, it was all a misunderstanding due to a clerical error by the Legion’s HMO (proving that some things will never change, even by the 30th Century)…

So, Kid Psycho, how many times have you used your power since we turned you down? That many? Oh my...

Feeling bad about the mistake (and in a likely attempt to preempt possible litigation), the Legionnaires offer Psycho a consolation prize, which he accepts with a heartbreaking level of joy...

All right! Now for your first mission, Secret Weapon #1! Here’s a space-brush, space-pail, and can of space-Lysol. Bouncing Boy went on a space-burrito bender and we need you to clean the mess he's made of the space-men’s room!

Flash ahead to 1985’s Crisis on Infinite Earths #3 and a multiverse in peril. Death clouds of anti-matter are oozing through the dimensional and time barriers, obliterating all they touch. It’s an opportunity for even the least lights of the DC Universe to grab a moment in the spotlight. The world of the future is in peril, Kid Psycho. This is your chance to shine, Secret Weapon #1. Time to grab that brass ring and show the doubters you have what it takes…

..or not.

Requiescat in pace, Kid Psycho. You died as you lived – as a throwaway vehicle for canned pathos.

(Oh, wait! I think that I'm supposed to complain about Kid Psycho not having a memorial display case in the Legion Clubhouse or something, and that his not having one means that DC has a deliberate bias against radioactive-space-octopus-mutation-induced progeria victims. That's the usual procedure for these types of posts, right?)

Carter USM – The Impossible Dream (from 1992: The Love Album, 1992) – I reviewed many different versions of this song in preparation for this post, but when it came down to it, this was the one I knew I’d go with all along.

Balzac – Psycho in 308 (from The Last Men on Earth, 1995) - Must resist making joke about how this Japanese band Honorés the legacy of the early Misfits. Oops, too late.

Vacation: Day 3 - A place where nobody dared to go

Some couples spend their vacations sipping cocktails and dancing until dawn in exotic tropical locales. Others retreat to the comfort of the air conditioned bedroom of their modest suburban house and watch the 1980 musical bomb Xanadu via Comcast On Demand. I know which option Maura and I prefer...

Considering how unrelentingly harsh I was on the Sgt. Pepper's musical, it might seem odd that I think Xanadu, universally panned in its day, is the bee's knees. What can I say? It's a wonderful and rare experience, being able to witness a gory head-on collision between the 70's and 80's and to gawk at the art-directed carnage of excess.

Maura loves it for the cheesy colorfulness, its peek into old school roller culture, and Olivia Newton John's voice. I love it for its clueless enthusiasm, dated-yet-fascinating special effects work, and the Electric Light Orchestra's and The Tubes' contributions to the soundtrack.

(The Tubes' participation was a nod to cutting edge punk and new wave sounds that "the kidz" were into at the time. I've long considered The Tubes to be the 70's punk scene's John the Baptist figure, but based on the film's "new wave" costume designs and hair styles, it's clear the filmmakers didn't have clue one about the scene. Yet another reason to love the film, as far as I'm concerned.)

Actor Michael Beck blamed Xanadu for dissipating his post-Warriors career momentum. (For all the talk about what a dud the film was at the box office, Maura remembers going to the neighborhood theater to see the film when it premiered and finding that the show had sold out.) As a consequence, Beck fell irrevocably behind in the actors who might be Mark Metcalf but aren't stakes, thus allowing Craig Wasson to claim a decisive lead. (Beck went on to appear in Hal Needham's 1982 classic waste of celluloid, Megaforce, which should have wiped clean any karmic debts in a just universe.)

(from the Xanadu OST, 1980)

Olivia Newton John & Electric Light Orchestra - Xanadu

Electric Light Orchestra - The Fall

Who knew Polyhymnia had such a wild side?

mere alcohol doesn’t fill him at all

So a forty-foot tall being of cosmic power shows up on your doorstep, eyeing your planet’s biosphere hungrily and smacking his lips, what do you do?

You could steal an Ultimate Nullifer and use it as leverage in hard-nosed negotiations, or perhaps offer one’s services to the being in exchange for sparing your homeworld. Depending on one’s connections in the superhero scene, you might even be able to use a brute force method combining some mystic arts mojo with straightforward physical violence. Another approach would be to mope around planetside and let the Silver Surfer do all the heavy lifting.

..or you could refer to fourth issue of Marvel’s 1982 Hercules mini-series, and slip the big guy a mickey and hope he gets too shitfaced to operate his planet-munching Kirbytech. Sounds like a plan? Hercules, Marvel’s lovable lout of a demigod thinks so…


…but Hercules doesn’t exactly pose a threat to Athena in the “Deity Most Associated with Wisdom” department.



It’s not easy to drink an entity who quaffs entire oceans as an aperitif under the table. Fortunately for Herc (and the planet he was protecting), Galactus factors effort and creativity into the final grade. (He’s a Hampshire College alumni, though he tells all his cosmic peers he graduated from Amherst, out of fear of being mocked, especially by the Living Tribunal, who was valedictorian of his class at Yale and makes sure everyone within earshot knows it.)

I drafted a proposal for a What If story based on this comic, but Marvel has yet to get back to me about it. It’s a shame, because I think that “What If Galactus Couldn’t Hold His Liquor?” has a lot of potential…


Ethel Merman – I Get a Kick Out of You (from The Ethel Merman Collection, 1997) – The original Anything Goes version, complete with a reference to cocaine. Cole Porter was the Grandmaster Flash of his times.

The Ramones – Somebody Put Something in My Drink (from Animal Boy, 1986) – I’m ambivalent about the Ramones mid-80’s material. While it’s nice that they made the effort to break from the 1-2-3-4 mold, too much of it sounds like generic rock with no discernable trace of the band’s personality. (This is another instance where Maura’s opinions and mine diverge. She actually prefers this to their older, signature sound.)