I think it was the late Marvel writer and editor Mark Gruenwald who once stated that “Every character is someone’s favorite.” If that attributed maxim is true, then who among you will testify to “The Sacrifice of Kid Psycho”?
Anyone? Anyone? No? Okay, then I guess it’s up to me.
Our story begins in Superboy #125 (December 1965), when a teenage Clark Kent encounters a mysterious youth walking about Smallville. Dressed like he’s auditioning for a role in Johnny Carson’s Carnac Babies and possessing a code name better suited to any given second-grade class’s token biter, the copiously be-foreheaded Kid Psycho uses his incredible mental powers to aid the Boy of Steel while messing with his head.
Eventually Kid Psycho levels with Superboy, telling him that he is from a thousand years in the future, and gained his powers (and honkingly huge head) because his parents once nuked a gigantic space octopus, the radiation-induced genetic damage leading to a super-powered offspring. (Hey, kids: Always remember to wear lead aprons when using high-yield gamma ray weapons against cosmic cephalapods!) His own planet having been destroyed in a fender bender between celestial objects, Kid Psycho decided there was nothing else to do but join the Legion of Super-Heroes.
The Legion, being the obnoxious bunch of jerks they are, turned him down, so Kid Psycho travels back in time to do an end run around his rejection by kissing up to Legion member Superboy, whom he hopes will vouch for him. “Your home world is gone; my home world is gone. Don’t you feel a spiritual connection there? Yeah? Yeah? It’s like we’re brothers or something! C’mon, dude, do me a solid!” Superboy falls for Psycho’s sob story hook, line, and x-ray vision-proof lead sinker, and they whisk off through the time barrier to set those Legion snobs straight.
Alas, it was all a misunderstanding due to a clerical error by the Legion’s HMO (proving that some things will never change, even by the 30th Century)…
So, Kid Psycho, how many times have you used your power since we turned you down? That many? Oh my...
Feeling bad about the mistake (and in a likely attempt to preempt possible litigation), the Legionnaires offer Psycho a consolation prize, which he accepts with a heartbreaking level of joy...
All right! Now for your first mission, Secret Weapon #1! Here’s a space-brush, space-pail, and can of space-Lysol. Bouncing Boy went on a space-burrito bender and we need you to clean the mess he's made of the space-men’s room!
Flash ahead to 1985’s Crisis on Infinite Earths #3 and a multiverse in peril. Death clouds of anti-matter are oozing through the dimensional and time barriers, obliterating all they touch. It’s an opportunity for even the least lights of the DC Universe to grab a moment in the spotlight. The world of the future is in peril, Kid Psycho. This is your chance to shine, Secret Weapon #1. Time to grab that brass ring and show the doubters you have what it takes…
..or not.
Requiescat in pace, Kid Psycho. You died as you lived – as a throwaway vehicle for canned pathos.
(Oh, wait! I think that I'm supposed to complain about Kid Psycho not having a memorial display case in the Legion Clubhouse or something, and that his not having one means that DC has a deliberate bias against radioactive-space-octopus-mutation-induced progeria victims. That's the usual procedure for these types of posts, right?)
Carter USM – The Impossible Dream (from 1992: The Love Album, 1992) – I reviewed many different versions of this song in preparation for this post, but when it came down to it, this was the one I knew I’d go with all along.
Balzac – Psycho in 308 (from The Last Men on Earth, 1995) - Must resist making joke about how this Japanese band Honorés the legacy of the early Misfits. Oops, too late.
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