the little bunny wanted to kill everyone

Easter is a big event here at Armagideon Time HQ, not because of the religious aspects (I’m an atheist and the wife is an “accomplished” – meaning she doesn’t feel the need to practice anymore – Catholic), but because of the opportunity to celebrate all things lagomorphic. I knew going in to this relationship that rabbits would always play a big part of my wife’s life. Currently we have nine of the little critters: a clan of rex rabbits that live and play together in two big cages, and an elderly rabbit handed off to us by a co-worker’s family. Rabbit-themed nick-knacks and toys can be found in every corner of our house and garden, from statues to weathervanes to stuffed animals to netsuke.

The bunnies figured large into our home-buying decision. When we toured the wrecked shell of our future home, we saw the small half-bedroom at the top of the second floor landing and simultaneously said “This would be a perfect place for the rabbits.” I don’t have a computer room, but our rabbits have their own bedroom.

My wife just reminded me that early on in our relationship, when we were “friends with potential,” she named one of her pet rabbits “Otto,” which was my punk rock name and a subtle hint about her feelings towards me. When I ended up asking another girl in our social circle out instead, she says she used to look at the rabbit and mutter “What a stupid name.” It all worked out in the end, though. Such is the power of bunny magic.

(The shared name also led to some odd situations, like the time she was explaining to friends about she got a cut on her lip: “Otto was jumping around on the bed like a wild man, and kicked me in the face.” The looks those people gave me…)

In the name of General Holly, Oswald, and Hoppy the Marvel Bunny, I have pulled from my musical top hat this small sampler of bun-iferous tracks.

King Missile – The Bunny Song (from They, 1988) – There is a real darkness beneath the fuzzy, cuddly surface that the rabbit race does not wish mankind to know about. Until it’s too late…

The Damned – White Rabbit (from Machine Gun Ettiquette, 1979) – Brilliantly wrong.

Los Gatos Negros – Hey Hey Bunny (from the Le Beat Bespoke compilation, 2004) – This compilation of “Swinging London” 1960’s dance tracks has quickly become one of my favorite albums of all time.

PINE*am – Pull the Rabbit Ears (from Pull the Rabbit Ears, 2005) – Cute song, terrible advice. Rabbit teeth aren’t that sharp, but they can bite with the force of an industrial stapler.

(A pre-emptive “Yes, I’m aware of it” to UNKLE’s “Rabbit in Your Headlights” and the Throwing Muses’ “Rabbits Dying”.)