she doesn’t wanna know me now

Because nothing on my "potential projects" plate is leaping out at me today, here’s some lazy content in the form of the “Eight Things People Don’t Know About Me” meme that’s been making the rounds as of late. This was a more difficult process than I anticipated, given the autobiographical/confessional nature of Armagideon Time.

1. Irises are my favorite type of flower. I like they way the look. I like they way the smell (sweet and vaguely lemony). There used to be random wild patches of them growing in the North Woburn woods when I was a kid.

2. I once shook hands with Larry Storch. I met him outside a theater where he was appearing in a play. My wife and her friend were huge fans of F-Troop, and were pen pals with the man otherwise known as Corporal Randolph Agarn. He seemed like a really nice guy.

3. In my senior year of high school, I won first place in the annual public speaking contest. I recited Colonel Kurtz’s “pile of little arms” speech from Apocalypse Now in a pseudo-Shatnerian manner. The prize for first place was forty dollars.

My grandmother refused to attend because I wouldn’t remove my earrings before going onstage. She insisted that “They’re all going to laugh at you.” Fortunately the night was free of pig’s blood and telekinetic mayhem.

4. I can play the “Ode to Joy” from Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony on both the flute and the piano. It is the only piece of music I know how to play, which suggests that there may be a genetic propensity toward enjoying Die Hard hardcoded into my being. Or that my grade school music teacher was a tyrant.

5. I have bits of gravel embedded in both kneecaps. The last day of my freshman year, I had a bad crackup on my brother’s scooter, and shredded my knees something fierce. I spent most of the following week alternating between long soaks in the tub and peroxide rinses. While most of the grit got cleaned out, some deeper fragments remained beneath my skin, and the dark splotches are still visible on my knees to this day.

6. If my family’s genealogical legends are to be believed, John and Priscilla Alden (of the Mayflower and the Plymouth Colony) and General Oliver Otis Howard (one of the founders of Howard University, Commissioner of the Freedman’s Bureau, and the man who fucked over Chief Joseph and the Nez Perce) are among my distant ancestors.

7. I nearly drowned when I was two years old. I got too close to the waves at Plum Island and was sucked in by the undertow. A fisherman heard my cries, and pulled me out of the ocean. As a consequence, I can’t abide submerging my face in water.

8. The first record I owned was a copy of The Beatles’ Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band I pulled out of a trash pile. The first record I ever purchased was AC/DC’s Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap.

The Who – The Real Me (from Quadrophenia, 1973) - Really rockin'.

Curtis Mayfield and The Impressions – See the Real Me (from People Get Ready, 1965) - Really soulful.

come on, tell me what I’m after

Between birthday gifts and the vagaries of my biweekly pay schedule, my bank account has been atypically flush these past few weeks, and I used this rare opportunity to purchase a bunch of books that had been languishing in Amazon wish list limbo. Here’s a rundown of some of my recent acquisitions:

The Flight of the Eisenstein by James Swallow – I have an embarrassing confession to make: Your humble narrator, for all his ineffectual attempts at establishing a level of coolness, is a lapsed Warhammer/W40k nerd. I don’t play the games much these days, because of the commitment of time and money involved (to say nothing about how hard it is to find sane opponents who respect the spirit of the rules, as opposed to fanatical “loophole lawyers”), but I do try and keep up with the various revisions and the occasional novelization.

This book is the fourth installment of the Horus Heresy series, covering the events of the civil war that rocked the Imperium of Man in the 31st Century. The short summary included in the original Realms of Chaos was my favorite part of that overly complicated (to the extent of being useless) rules supplement, and it has been entertaining to see the story fleshed out in greater detail. I just hope it doesn’t get dragged out too long for the sake of selling more novels, because there’s a fine line between disposable entertainment and tedium.

Showcase Presents The Legion of Super-Heroes, Vol. 1 – I think that my previous posts about the subject have made my jadedness – either apathetic or nostalgic – about comics books fairly clear. It’s hard for me to work up even a sliver of enthusiasm about new and pending releases, even when all signs point to a given work being a cut above the rest of the slop. This reasonably priced (and quite massive) reprint collection of the Legion’s early adventures, however, set my nerd-senses all a’tingling. Even if I didn’t have my current surplus of cash, I still would have picked it up on its release last Wednesday instead of delegating it to a slot on my ever growing wish list.

There’s something irresistible about a group of somewhat callous, somewhat stupid teenage superheroes flitting around an extremely dated-looking 30th Century. Plus, I’ve been a Legion fan for almost thirty years now, though I dropped the book at the start of its present incarnation. (It was one reboot too many for me.) I was never going to spend the cash on the hardcover color reprints or on the individual back issues I needed, so this black and white “phonebook” collection was perfectly suited for my needs.

YOTSUBA&! Vol. 1 by Azuma Kiyohiko – I read very little manga, partially because there’s isn’t a whole lot that interests me and partially because I’m not fond of the “authentic” read from right-to-left conceit. I know there are aesthetic concerns involved in flipping the artwork into the Western format, but the puritanical insistence on maintaining the original “backwards” layout feels more like an fannish affectation of “exotic” Orientalism than an artistic decision….kind of like that one whitebread student in Japanese class who insists on referring to everyone as “–san” or “-sensei.” (My wife’s Japanese instructor shut down one such individual out of the gate with a raised palm and a brusque “No. Stop it.”)

I’ve heard a lot of good things about YOTSUBA&!, though. The title character, an adorable (yet astonishingly clueless) adopted green haired sprite reminds me a lot of my adorable (yet astonishingly clueless) adopted beagle-boxer-chow Adeline, and the quickest way to my heart is through similarities with my pets.

Science Fiction in the Real World by Norman Spinrad – This is the first work of literary criticism (unless you count that Comics Journal collection of interviews with 1970’s comic book writers) I’ve purchased in, well, I can’t really remember. The late 90’s, maybe? Some of the essays in this collection are very dated, but there’s still a great deal of interest here for anyone interested in science fiction or genre issues in general. Many of Spinrad’s insights into what makes science fiction succeed or fail could be easily applied to the realm of comics. (There is an essay on graphic novels in the book, but there’s nothing in it that hasn’t been said more effectively elsewhere countless times already.) His examination of the pitfalls involved in pursuing a sincere literary vision while facing the pressures endemic to working in a commercial genre is by itself worth the price of purchase.

The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy, Gentleman by Laurence Sterne – Considering what an influence Sterne’s extended exercise in creative digression has been on my style of writing, it’s shocking that I waited so damn long to replace the copy of the novel that I lent out to someone in college and never got back. It worked out for the best in the end, as I was able to get a hold of a good as new, fully annotated copy of the definitive “Florida” edition from a seller for the princely sum of 97 cents, plus shipping.

How much has this novel tinted my work at Armagideon Time? Here’s a sample passage to illustrate it for you:

…the slight acquaintance which is now beginning betwtixt us, will grow into familiarity; and that, unless one of us is at fault, will terminate in friendship. –O diem praeclarum!—then nothing which has touched me will be thought trifling in nature, or tedious in its telling.

I’m sure if Sterne could have put mp3 links into the original text, he would have done it in a heartbeat. “This being a fair example of chamber music, much in vogue on the Continent; in a manner somewhat imprecise to me it captures the essence of Uncle Toby, or rather, his peculiar hobby-horse…”

The Minutemen – One Chapter in the Book (from What Makes a Man Start Fires? 1983) – It’s a short chapter, though. It only takes sixty seconds to get through…

Lazy Cowgirls – Read That Book (from Lazy Cowgirls, 1984) – Hooky, melodic garage punk that brushes very close to my Platonic ideal of what a song ought to sound like.

Echo & The Bunnymen – Read It in Books (from Crocodiles, 1980) – Haunting the chthonic borderlands between postpunk and psychedelia.