Halloween Countdown: October 25 – the colour out of sync

For today's installment of AT's Halloween Countdown, I bring you a fragment of nightmare culled from the forbidden grimiore of embarrassment that is the Weiss Family Photo Album:


Yes, that's your humble narrator in the middle, serving as a shocking reminder of the horrors associated with having an artist for a parent. I know my mom meant well, and it was a pretty innovative and well-executed costume, but it wasn't designed with a sense of awareness about how cruel eight-year-olds could be to a peer who shows up for the class Halloween party wearing a green dunce cap. Also, the issue of whether or not I wanted to go door to door on All Hallow's Eve dressed as a green crayon was never actually addressed amidst my mother's frenzy of creative inspiration. Dressing up in costume loses its luster when it's done under parental diktat. My little brother, dressed up as Punchy, the Hawaiian Punch mascot, in the above photo, looks positively dignified in comparison.

Is it any wonder I've grown up to be a master of shirking obligations and avoiding mandates? Or that I can't even glance at a deluxe 64-color set of Crayolas without developing an odd facial tic?

Come to think of it, I can't think of any Halloween costume I ever wore as a kid that I actually liked, including the ones I came up with on my own. Part of the problem is the fact that it's cold up here in New England in late October, which leads to embarrassing costume compromises such as "Dracula in a Plaid Cardigan," "Chinos-under-Toga Julius Caesar" (I wanted to go as a Roman centurion, but again, mom had other ideas), or "Reluctant Green Crayon Wearing an Ugly-Ass Coat from Zayre's".