...I gotta wear shades. Thankfully this ad from the October 1982 issue of Creem magazine features a veritable bonanza of hip eyewear suitable for all your fashion subgenre needs:
I wonder what the demand was for the "Poindexer" (a.k.a. "The Trevor Horn Signature Edition") model.
Ian Fleming's suave cold warrior is doubly represented in eyewear form by the "James Bond" and "007." I assume the different models were intended to reflect the two actors who best personified the character on the big screen. (I mean, of course, David Niven and George Lazenby.) For those not up on their gridiron history, "Broadway Joe" refers to Joe Namath, the legendary QB for the New York Jets and occasional pantyhose model who did wear a pair of shades kind of similar to those depicted. "Rotten" is self-explanatory, but many of the other model names seem to have been chosen by some form of popcult buzzword free association, a move apparently inspired by the surrealist branding practices of the automotive industry. (Tiburon? Murano? Equinox? WTF?)
One of the things I regret most about having no-so-great vision is that my need for corrective lenses precludes my dabbling in the world of fashion accessory eyewear. Sure, prescription sunglasses can be had for a quasi-reasonable cost, but I don't want just a tinted pair of my pedestrian workaday spectacles -- I want to revel in the retro-futurist sleekness of a wraparound "Spectrum" visor (despite the inevitable Geordi LaForge jokes it would invite).
During my brief and disastrous flirtation with contact lenses (which just happened to coincide with the high water mark of my punk fashion period), I wore sunglasses regularly, as I discovered that semi-permeable contacts made my eyes hypersensitive to sunlight. My shades of choice during that time were a variant of the "Rotten" style, as seen in this infamous photo.
(On a side note: I wonder what happened to the tie I'm wearing in that picture. It was an antique silk schoolboy tie that resembled a British flag and it cost me a dollar at a consignment store. It was also the only non-string tie I could ever bring myself to wear, even after I evolved past the need for overtly punk trappings. I suspect my grandma tossed it in the trash, which saddens me a great deal.)
My contact lens era didn't last, and when I switched back to spectacles eighteen months later, I put my beloved shades -- and my dreams of accessorized hipness -- away permanently. No, no, I'm not misting up about it. That's the sun shining in my eyes. Seriously. I can't see a goddamn thing though the glare.
Dwight Pullen - Sunglasses After Dark (from a 1958 single; collected on Sunglasses After Dark, 2005) - Fuck Corey Hart. The rockabilly kits and cats know where it's really at.
Cloudwalkers - Sunglasses (from a 1965 single; collected on Pebbles, Volume 8, 1996) - How did a Brooklyn band end up on a compilation of SoCal garage rock? Because it's Pebbles, that's why. They're the Dr. Bronner of garage rock compilation albums.
Tracey Ullman - Sunglasses (from a 1984 single; collected on The Best of Tracey Ullman, 1992) - After the Ronettes and before the Pipettes...
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7 comments:
As a speccy git myself I am oft tempted by the lure of the contact lens but the overbearing political part of me soon kicks twelve shades of shit out of the vanity-driven part of me and the moment passes.
The wife swears by her contacts, but her vision problems are minor compared to mine and she has the willpower to keep up with the proper maintenance rituals.
Between my extreme astigmatism and ingrained complacency, I have learned that I'm better off with the low-maintenance option.
wow, hey. That's an ad for Incognito--a shop in Royal Oak, MI whose owners rented a house from my dad around the time of this ad. The shop's still around, selling cool accessories to the kids.
Really? Do you think they can hook me up with some "Spectrum" shades?
If LeVar Burton didn't buy them all, maybe. Actually, you can still order from them, via their website: http://www.incognitoinc.com/eyewear/support/about.html
(No, I have no affiliation aside from the owners having moved into my childhood home after we moved out. It was in Birmingham, MI, where, at the time, Creem Mag was published.) Looks like an odd list of rockers have done the same.
No dice. That ship has sadly sailed, though I did spot several of the styles featured in the ad that were still for sale.
Wang, Digital, Enron, AMC, Pan-Am -- all titans of commerce, all now-defunct, but Incognito is still chugging along in its little niche. Fascinating.
Tracey Ullman? Man, the Kirsty Maccoll version is SO much better!
Happy New Year!
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