quivers down my thigh bones

My brother, 60's Marvel Comics collector extraordinaire, sent me an email regarding yesterday's post in which he reminded me about the lovely wares spotlighted in 1968's Spectacular Spider-Man magazine. A short-lived attempt by Marvel at cracking the magazine market (presumably due to the company's awareness of a strong college-age readership in its regular comics fare), each of the two issues aimed for a more "adult" sensibility -- not in the stories themselves, which were standard template Stan Lee/John Romita fare done in a longer form, but rather in the class (and I use that term loosely) of items and services being hawked in the advertisements.

After all, what use are banana seat bikes or Hot Wheels playsets to a grown-up? They have anti-hemorrhoid suppositories to think about. (The only ass ointment endorsed by the Incredible Hulk! Ask for it by name!)

Those quotes I slapped around "adult?" Well, I wasn't just indulging in Kirby-speak, as this ad demonstrates:
Dig the Chaykinesque fellow's sly expression, and the "fly under the Comstock wire" phrasing of the ad copy. "Exciting and stimulating," "for ultra satisfying relaxation," "deep, gentle penetrating massage," "women will find it invaluable" (a truth for many then as well as now) -- the oblique coyness is a fascinating peek into a time before similar devices were sold sans euphemisms in catalogs from trashier competitors to Lillian Vernon or Miles Kimball (and before fading pop stars trying to cling to edgy relevance had themselves photographed leaving a sex shop with a strap-on visible in their bag). Hey, check out who's selling the oddly-shaped "neck massager": Frederick's of Hollywood, which has since gone onto to occupy the lucrative niche between Spencer Gifts and Victoria's Secret in fine malls across this great nation of ours.

Overall, the quality of advertisers in Spectacular Spider-Man fits squarely in the depressing ghetto of vintage "lads' mag" territory, a greasy rung or two above (and occasionally below) what would see in a typical comic, and the logical extension of ads hawking fake dog poop, stamps or coins on approval, or better living through rigged schemes selling seeds or greeting cards. There are also ads for the Kawasaki Avenger motocycle (field-tested by burly dudes in executioner hoods: apparently quality control was different in the late 60's, I guess), and an unexpected yet nifty full page plug for the We're Only in it for the Money album by The Mothers of Invention. The back covers of both issues are graced by ads for Jade East aftershave, which I assume was the comic buyer's equivalent to Hai Karate. ("All the ex oriente lux assault on good taste, but at only a fraction of the price!")

Distributed by SWANK, Inc., purveyor of fine fragrances and even finer beaver shots. (Do a Wikipedia search for "swank" if you're unclear about the reference. I would avoid trying a Google search, especially if you're at work.)

...and so we conclude our tour of the seedy underbelly of the comics and magazine business of yesteryear. I shall return tomorrow, after a nice long bath in strong disinfectant, with a fresh topic for your perusal.

The Vibrators - Automatic Lover (from V2, 1978) - Another instance where the band name and song title both sync perfectly with the post topic. Excellent track, too.

The Flamin Groovies - Shakin' All Over (from Teenage Head, 1971) - Who hasn't covered this 1960's classic by Johnny Kidd and The Pirates? Billy Idol, The Who, The Guess Who (my personal favorite rendition), The Smithereens, about a zillion British Invasion groups... Here's a longer, sloppier cover by San Francisco proto-punk pioneers The Flamin Groovies.

THE END--? But this is where most stories just start to get interesting!