not an imaginary story

I noticed that there's a trend among the hip, witty, and smart comics-blogging set to sit down with a copy of Previews, the monthly distributor's catalog of comics and related nerd detritus, and comment on the good, bad, and ugly found within its pages.

I used to look forward to the arrival of each fresh issue of Previews in my (my wife's, actually) subscription box, and would give it an intense going over, marking page after page of stuff I probably didn't need but certainly wanted. As I underwent my slow transition from nerd faithful to nerd agnostic, I found myself falling out of my impulse purchasing habits and my perusals grew less enthusiastic and more infrequent, leaving the advance ordering in Maura's hands.

But, hey! Maura happened to leave the current issue on the coffee table and all the cool kids are doing write-ups on it, so why not try my own hand in this sordid business?

This may take a while to flip through, so please enjoy this soothing bossa nova/lounge classic while you wait for me to finish:

Sérgio Mendes & Brasil '66 - Mas Que Nada (from Herb Alpert Presents..., 1966)

Let's see...not interested...not interested...more licensed nonsense...cookie cutter manga titles...jeez, is there a character in the Star Wars universe whose backstory hasn't been the basis of a 12-issue miniseries?

Expensive retrological kipple for deep pocketed hipsters...continuity porn...one million Countdown tie-ins for Emperor Didio...oh, look, the rush to ride on Phonogram's coat tails has begun...there aren't nearly enough Batman action figures...Boobies!

Wow, it's taking longer than I thought. Here's another familiar, retro easy listening standard to tide you over:

Herb Alpert & The Tijuana Brass - Spanish Flea (from Going Places, 1965) - "Bachelor #1, if I was a graded fine condition copy of Giant Size X-Men #1, how would you handle me?"

Back at it...not interested...looks actionably similar to another, better title...wait for the trade paperback release...no, I don't give a shit about how funny your nerd friends are...the same applies to your role-playing game war stories...sorry, your webcomic wasn't worth reading when it was free, never mind reprinted on paper for three bucks...not interested...wow, how can that woman stay upright with that spine and those breasts?

Dead horse flogging...I don't need to read your sanctioned fanfic about a supporting character in a cancelled TV show...I think the franchise appeal has gone past its due date...not interested...when you reach that tier of character recognizability, it's time to find something new to make statues of....too expensive at half the price...boobies....more boobies...I'd like to know the market for this, because they have too much money and would be willing to part with it for some magic beans from my garden, I suspect...and Sterling and Lartigue have both pointed this out already, but seriously, WHY LORD WHY? (No, I do not want to hear the answer to that.)

Thank Providence that Maura doesn't pick up Marvel's too-cool-for-school separate catalog of advance solicitations, or hospitalization might have been required.

Apart from a newfound respect for those brave souls who willingly submit themselves to this torture on a monthly basis, I came away from my foolishly self-inflicted ordeal with a whopping list of three things that caught my interest:

1. Metal Men #3 - The first issue of this relaunch featuring DC's goofy Silver Age psuedo-science icons was a pretty solid read, if a bit too cluttered with the CRAZY-ASS WOW factor so in vogue these days. Personally, I'd have preferred it to skew a bit more towards Bob Kanigher's 1960's take and less towards present-day Grant Morrison's, but I know I'm in the minority.

2. Yotsuba&! Vol. 5 - I'm really glad I discovered this book just as ADV began to resume publishing new volumes on a regular basis. It's just so damn charming without feeling syrupy or contrived.

3. the Final Fantasy VII statue featuring Aeris channeling the Lifestream - It's more along Maura's line than mine, and the $220 price tag places it beyond the threshold of justifiable purchase, but, wow, is it nice.

Captain Sensible - (What d'Ya Give) The Man Who's Gotten Everything? (from a 1982 7"; collected on A-Sides, Part 1, 1995) - When the Captain of The Damned met Crass. How cool is that?