Showing posts with label psychobilly. Show all posts
Showing posts with label psychobilly. Show all posts

Monday, October 06, 2008

Halloween Countdown: October 6 - deader than dead

Zombie Jen and Zombie Maura at yesterday's Zombie Walk in Salem.

No offense to the lovely ladies in the above photo, but zombies ain't what they used to be. Like Dracula and Frankenstein's monster before them, they've become quaint archetypes denuded of much of their shock value by media oversaturation. It has reached a point where even a fan of the zombie apocalypse subgenre such as myself has become jaded, and the shambling hordes of ravenous undead have become a shallow high concept plug-in (see also: monkeys, ninjas, and pirates) or simply locked into a predictable formula.

More so than the various slasher fiends that haunted the screen back in the day, zombies were the true archetype of horror for my generation, which came of age in the rubble of the Grand Consensus and the rise of Reagan. They were creatures born of miscalculation, failure, and/or hubris, a rotted reflection of contemporary society reduced to its basic impulses -- consume and assimilate.

They were an effective visualization of underlying anxieties -- ecological, biological, racial, economic -- reflecting the sense that society was poised to devour itself. It's a concept that can, and did, float a host of metaphorical conceits wrapped in a gut-munching package. And so it played out, with various levels of competence, across scores of low-budget domestic and European films that graced the drive-ins and video stores of my childhood and early teens.

As fringe entertainment, it was great fun, terrifying and amusing in equal measure. Once it came to the foreground of the popcult consciousness, however, things began to fall apart quickly. Blame the popularity of the Resident Evil games or the inherent decadence of the entertainment biz, but once the professional tastemakers turned their Eye of Sauron onto the zombie subgenre, it was a foregone conclusion that they wouldn't move on until it been completely strip-mined.

Sequels, remakes, spin-offs, tributes, parodies, cash-ins -- the whole arsenal of weapons of commercial destruction were employed toward this end. The dreaded "death of a thousand tweaks" tactic of making minor alterations to the established conventions was rolled out as an attempt to stress differences ("Hey, our zombies can RUN FAST!") while wallowing in sameness ("Otherwise, though it's a straight-up zombie flick!"). The gore 'n' metaphor formula, incidental or organic in the source material, became self-consciously codified to the point of absurdity. ("WE SURVIVORS ARE THE REAL LIVING DEAD!" Dude, that's, like, soooo deep. Yawn.)

Such is the way of all corpse flesh. At least we'll always have Louisville...because Return of the Living Dead, no matter how cheapjack it looks to me these days, is still the most depressing and disturbing horror film I've ever seen. Exploitation cinema has never been so unrelentingly Sophoclean.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

jam or butter

Behold the apex of human technological achievement...

THE MEAT TOASTER

I did briefly consider writing a longer piece dealing with this wonder of the modern (meaning "1971") world, and its significance in terms of consumer capitalism's twin tenets of planned obsolescence and creating demand for unnecessary products, but what more could I really add that isn't right there in the advertisement?

It's a toaster, only instead of cooking bread-related items, it cooks meat. Not Pop Tarts, but porterhouses. Not bagels, but bacon. Not scones, but sirloin. To reiterate, it is a toaster designed to cook animal flesh -- in short, a meat toaster.

That the shell-shocked consumers of the early 1970's failed to embrace the manifest greatness of a device that utilized the costly inefficiency of electric heating coils to perform in three hours what would otherwise be a twenty minute task with a conventional oven does not surprise me. Very rarely (no pun intended) is a prophet appreciated by his contemporaries, especially when he seems likely to cause accidental household fires (or is fundamentally incapable of accommodating sliced onions, mushrooms, or peppers within his sizzling, juicy message).

The Toasters - Fire in My Soul (from Don't Let the Bastards Grind You Down, 1997) - Sadly, a cool blast of ska is no substitute for a CO2-based flame suppression device.

The Meteors - Meat Is Meat (from Monkey's Breath, 1985) - From the musical meat locker comes this raw slab of 100% USDA certified psychobilly. Remember: The OTMAPP seal is a guarantee of eternal freshness.

Richard and Robert Sherman - Music To Buy Toasters By (from Retro Shopping Vol. 1, 2006) - How they rocked it out in Caldor's home appliance aisle back in the day. Muzak version of "Mahogany" not included.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Vacation: Day 4 - With Great Power...

My brother swung by the house on Sunday and dropped off a couple of boxes full of things he thought I might want: My copy of Bully for the PS2 and the Comics Journal Library: The Writers book I lent him, a Deathlok sticker card from 1976, two bags of Science Diet cat food (his cat has diabetes and is on a special diet now), and a bona fide Cosmic Cube he managed to acquire through his work.

While I was well and truly flattered that my younger sibling chose to entrust me with a device capable of reshaping reality at whim, I found myself at a loss regarding what what I exactly wanted to use it for. I pride myself on being something of an underachiever with few ambitions to complicate my easygoing way of life. Plus, I have read enough low-grade sci fi stories, seen enough episodes of The Twilight Zone, and am familiar enough with radical political movements to be wary about the Faustian pitfalls of limitless power.

The last thing I wanted to do was to wish for "world peace" and have a previously undetected asteroid trigger an extinction event, which is usually how this type of thing goes down.

So, with the Cube resting securely on my computer desk, I gazed upon its psychedelic swirl of Kirby crackles and composed a list of things I could possibly wish for. Here's what I came up with:

- a complete run of Captain Marvel Adventures in deluxe hardcover format
- a pristine set of SSP Smash Up Derby cars with all the parts and T-sticks
- a midnight blue 1970 Plymouth Barracuda that was immune to the New England elements
- an addition onto the house (two more bedrooms, a sun room, another full bath, and a computer room)
- that the Democrats would get their shit together and be an effective political force

Armed with this to-do list, I set out to make my (modest) dreams come through. Unfortunately, my brother failed to include a manual, or even a quick start guide for the device, and I was unable to accomplish anything except crash the Cube's OS and force a reboot. (Something about that last item on my list was to blame. Everytime I tried to make it happen, the Cube would lock up for a minute, then display the following message: Intractable Paradox Flaw has been detected in Planar Sector 000x3D3. Would you like to report this error? Irritating, but not surprising in the least...)

Figuring that I should scale back my ambitions until I had a better grasp of the learning curve, I attempted a more modest use of the Cube's abilities:


KRAK-A-BOOM!


"Not bad," indeed, especially considering how hard it has been lately to set up an appointment with my usual hair stylist. The sudden transition from night to day and the transfomation of my Revolutionary Ireland t-shirt into a Polysics one were a little jarring, but minor side effects are to be expected when one dabbles in warping the very fabric of reality. (Maura has grown quite fond of the tribe of telepathic pygmy brontosaurians I accidentally summoned while attempting to will a can of Dr. Pepper from the fridge to the living room endtable...)

Snap! - The Power (from World Power, 1990) - OK, so it's just a polished cube of plexiglass that my brother thought I'd get a kick out of having. The only power it possesses is the ability to inspire today's exceptionally nerdy and goofy post.

The Horrorpops - Kool Flattop (from Hell Yeah!, 2004) - My preference for buzzcut and flattop hairstyles is rooted in both a residual sense of punk rockitude and my traumatic memories of a childhood spent sporting a John Denver 'do.

(Thanks to Dave Lartigue, for providing the Barber of Worlds image, and to Chris Sims, who made with the Kirby crackles and inspiration.)