today I need some hate

I'm feeling a little woozy from all the candy I ate last night and still have a ways to go getting the house in order before the wife gets home, so here's an All Saints' Day linkblog post in lieu of actual content.

The best political commentary of this election season.

Satire is not only merely dead, it's really most sincerely dead.

Dorian celebrates Dario Argento's works in all their uneven glory.

Bully explains why ham should not be served at weddings.

Speaking hilarious truth to geekdom.

...and, finally, some sad news that I didn't get chance to address during the Halloween Countdown:

Teenage Head frontman, Frankie (Kerr) Venom, died from throat cancer at the age of 51.

Teenage Head - Picture My Face (from Teenage Head, 1979) - Punk at its purest -- hooky, snotty, and exuberant.

don't wanna go out tonight

Sage advice, indeed.

And now for a little lazy Sunday linkposting...

The Legomancer casts his deadly (but awesome) spell.

The little stuffed bull crashes the New York Comic Convention.

I'm ashamed I didn't think of the Benjamin's Privates joke first.

Let's go clubbing with Planet Mondo!

Once again, evilolive vists the internet's musty basement so you don't have to.

Oh, Robert, this is how I want to remember you, not the sweat pants, Reeboks, and smeared lipstick that followed.

If you haven't checked out the Vinyl Villain's "45 45's at 45" countdown yet, you really ought to.

The Vapors - Spring Collection (from New Clear Days, 1980) - Back in the days when used vinyl was cheap and plentiful, it was just as easy to pick up an entire LP for the sake of a single desired song as it was to sift through the less organized singles bins of the shops I frequented. It also gave me an opportunity to hear what else a given "one hit wonder" outfit had to offer. While most truly did have just the one bright and shining musical moment, there were a few instances where the material was first-rate from beginning to end, but overshadowed by the luminosity of the band's signature hit.

Modern English's After the Snow (featuring "I Melt With You") is one of those albums, and so is The Vapors' New Clear Days, a top-notch assortment of hooky power pop numbers sadly obscured by the novelty-driven radio success of "Turning Japanese."

want to move like this and that

It's clear that this gentleman never visited North Woburn in the early 1980's.

One memory that will always haunt my dreams is of the time my friends and I decided to walk to the Woburn Mall by cutting behind the industrial park and following the Boston & Maine railroad tracks beside the chemical plant. The tracks ran roughly parallel to the Aberjona River, which at that stretch of the not-even-close-to-mighty waterway devolved into a series of interconnected ponds and reed marshes.

It was the middle of winter, so we figured we could shave some time of the trip by walking across the frozen surface of one of the larger ponds. The water wasn't more than a couple feet deep at the center, and considerable less so at the edges, and the ice was exceptionally translucent. Beneath it was a Lovecraftean swirl of colors and vegetative shapes utterly alien to New England environs -- day-glo magenta and mustard fronds and kelp-like water foliage, which in hindsight were probably chemical accretions rather than actual living plants, but were still incredibly unsettling to behold.

Right, the purpose of this post was not to explain why my corpse will most likely need to be interred in a lead-lined concrete casque, but to indulge in another round of linkposting, the lazy blogger's ever-reliable friend.

Say it ain't so, Kylie! Parte deux! Both Blanka and Donna Summer were unavailable to comment.

In case you want to know where all the cool kids will be tomorrow night.

Always an excellent course of action. (Also, the weft and warp of the Apocalypse revealed!)

My wife's family came right off the boat, and they can't stand the damned song.

Feeling uptight on a Saturday night? Nine o'clock, the radio's the only light? Lacking caffeine and feeling blue? Dr. K visited a place that's ideal for you.

There is nothing I can add to the discussion that hasn't been said already.

Sparks & Jane Wiedlin - Cool Places (from In Outer Space, 1983) - Enthrallingly irritating yet catchy in the magnificent Sparks manner.

oh, the places you will go

Remember when I said that I wouldn't ever do a linkpost?

I lied.

Geez, Thor, it's not that big a deal....

A planet well worth exploring.

Dave reviews Osamu Tezuka’s Buddha in its entirety; as a consequence, Andrew now wants to read Osamu Tezuka’s Buddha in its entirety.

Say it ain't so, Kylie!

You have until Sunday to enter Ken's Oscar Oscar Revolution contest. So hop to it, kids!

I'll work all week to buy you things, even if I'm too tired at the end of the day to remember what you look like.

An old salt recounts his epic journey through the Shoals of Twenty-something. (I burned my boat on Underachiever Island's tropical shore long ago.)

The link between Defender and Deutscher new wave revealed.

Better than the Sears Wish Book. (Alternately, I can dream about you, if I can't hold you tonight.)

I would just like to point out that my birthday is coming up in a matter of weeks.

The B-52's - Roam (from Cosmic Thing, 1989) - Senior year was a long, long time ago, but this song doesn't seem to have aged one bit. It's all in the cheekbones, I'm told.

you gained the world, you gained the world and lost your soul

I’ve stated previously that I really don’t laugh that much. It’s not that I don’t find anything amusing, but that my inner WASPiness tends to preclude uninhibited displays of emotion. As one of the ‘bots once quipped on MST3K: “Emotions are for ethnic people.” (An observation reinforced by many a holiday spent in the company of my wild Hibernian in-laws.) Haughty indignation is easy, laughter is hard.

Consequently, my standard response to humor is a throaty, muted chuckle that sounds like I’m channeling either Muttley from the Wacky Racers cartoon or Sebastian from Josie and the Pussycats. Another point of reference, for anyone familiar with the documentary If I Should Fall From Grace, would be the jovial hiss that passes as Shane MacGowan’s toothless (literally, in his case) substitute for laughter.

It’s a very rare occasion when I find something able to elicit outright, out loud belly laughs, but it happened the other night when I came across this response to Kevin Church’s comments about an old DC romance comic story he posted on his site.

Now, Kevin’s a big boy, and certainly doesn’t need the likes of me defending him, so that’s not what I’m doing here in this post. (You can read his response here.) It’s the fact that this “Poison Ivy” managed to take the rather reasonable argument that Kevin’s mockery (it was not a formal review) of the story failed to take historical context and the target audience into account, and turn it into an excessively earnest and overdramatic rant that had me laughing so hard I was on the verge of puking up beef stew all over my keyboard.

Part of the unintentional hilarity comes form the writer’s tone, which is logarithmically disproportionate for a response to a throwaway Valentine’s Day post from a comics blog. Reading the opening line…

I meant to post this a week ago, but I got so aggravated that I had to walk away for a while. Yes, even mild-mannered romance comic editors get testy.

…evokes a miffed Joe Besser threatening “I’m going to give you such a pinch!” to Moe Howard on one of the later Three Stooges shorts, and sets the tone for the entire affair. When arguing a point, I’ve personally found it wise not to put folks in mind of a comedian who played second banana to Joey Bishop, but to each their own, I suppose.

Apart from the over-the-top tone of the piece, there’s an intoxicating mix of genre justification, pop psychology, and use of gender dichotomy as a convenient form of dismissal:

Sorry, but when it comes to romance stories aimed at a female audience, I am not inclined to give men equal voting rights.

...because guys are too busy talking football and auto repair to understand the nuances of a shitty work for hire comic book story.

I've ready plenty of romance comics. While I don't have the same affection them that I have for their teen comedy (read: Archie rip-off) cousins, there was a good deal of innovation going on in the romance (and horror) titles of the late 60's and early 70's. Much of it was on the artistic end, where the format provided more room for artistic experimentation than in the superhero titles of the time. (Check out Jim Steranko's story in the Marvel Romance trade or this cover, which I'd love to get framed and put up on my living room wall.)

That said, no historical or psychosocial context can alter the fact that "I Don't Love You Anymore" fails miserably in terms of plot and as a work of sequential art. As for what Miss Teen 1972 thought of it, I'm going to hazard a guess she shrugged her shoulders and moved onto reading another, better story.

Then there's the bit that nearly made half-digested potato shoot out of my nose:

As for the web site guy’s low opinion of this story, I’m not so sure he even likes romance or has any understanding of it. His comments were in the form of a ha-ha quiz. He used a vulgar term for lovemaking that suggests he does not have the romance sensibility.

I suggest reading that last bit aloud in your best Delta Burke voice. (George Takei’s voice works just as well, too, I’m told.)

It’s very hard to explain why one finds something funny, because humor, even the most cerebral variety, ultimately works on a gut level. This confluence of melodrama, self-righteousness, and use of the phrase “a vulgar term for lovemaking” hit the exact right note at the exact right time for me.

Thank you, “Poison Ivy,” for making me laugh about genre obsessions, again. Please don’t hold this against me when I submit my novella to your very fine, very pink site. It’s titled “Emerald Skies of Desire,” and here is an excerpt that I hope proves I do have “the romance sensibility” despite the frailties of my gender:

“I was hurt once, badly,” Dash said softly as he peered out the window of his private jet. “I vowed never to love again, but…”

Emerald looked down at the day planner on her lap, trying not to make eye contact with the man who had plucked her out of her mundane Midwestern existence and opened her eyes to the beauty and wonder of the world past the Iowa horizon. In the process, he had captured her heart, as well.

At that moment, there was no Dash McSwarthy, jet setting venture capitalist, or Emerald Skye, personal assistant. There were only two lonely individuals, and the aisle between was a gap beyond measure, a gap filled with heartsickness and yearning.

I’m still trying to decide on a pen name. Any suggestions?

Our musical component of today’s post is a rebuttal to the idea that vulgarity and romance are not mutually exclusive:

Machine Gun Fellatio – Not Afraid of Romance (from Bring It On, 2000) – The best kind of love involves 70’s wakka-chikka funk samples.

Nor are they incompatible with the female gender, as these two tracks from femvox Bay Area punk bands ably demonstrate:

VKTMS – Midget (from a 1979 single, collected on VKTMS, 1997)

The Nuns – Do You Want Me on My Knees (from Cupid’s Revenge, 1995)

gaining fame and claiming credibility

So, about the whole “nerdity” kick I’ve been on lately? It started off as an easy springboard for putting together ready-made themes, but I’ve come to enjoy the opportunity to pontificate upon and discuss the various related topics (fan entitlement, the nostalgia trap, and so forth) that come with the territory. Before settling on the mp3 blog gimmick, I had considered starting a comics-themed blog, but realized that there wasn’t a hell of a lot I had to say that wasn’t being stated more effectively elsewhere. The nerdity posts have allowed me to scratch that comics blogging itch without risk of infection.

It’s just as well I didn’t create a comics blog. How would I be able to live with myself if it turned out that Dick hated my blog? Or worse, put me on his “enemies list”? I’d probably cry myself to sleep -- not due to being hated (I’m used to that by now), but because I’d spent enough time blogging about comics to be hated for something I’d said.

If you happen to be reading this, Dick, I’d just like to state for the record that I’ve discussed Primal Scream with Graeme McMillan. I know Graeme McMillan. Graeme McMillan is a friend of mine. Kiddo, you're no Graeme McMillan. Hell, you aren’t even an Avi Green.

Elsewhere in the comics blogosphere:

Dorian’s “How Not To Blog: A Primer Born Out of Many Years Experience Blogging” is, by his own tag’s admission, “a thin veneer of satire hiding the rage underneath,” and as such, it’s right up my alley.

Ragnell has courteously provided a handy field guide to “The Twelve Levels of Comic Book Fan Agreement.” Forewarned is forearmed.

In the absolute “must read” category is Kevin Church’s “We Need To Talk: A Open Letter to Comics Fans.” It’s a highly articulate, well-composed howl of rage regarding dysfunctional fandom and how it affects the medium as a whole, and it’s something that really needed to be said. Change won’t happen unless we make it happen, people, and that applies to more than just comic books.

Here are a few tracks to watch the inevitably shrill fallout by:

Essential Logic – Wake Up (from the Wake Up EP, 1979, collected on Fanfare in the Garden, 2003) – To all those misguided souls who use the term “postpunk” to describe this year’s variant of whiny alt rock, this is what real postpunk sounds like.

Teenage Head – Ain’t Got No Sense (from Teenage Head, 1979) – The band’s mix of power pop, punk and rockabilly was very popular in their native Canada (that nation’s first “punk rock riot” occurred at one of their early shows), but never caught on in the States. Foolish Americans.

Christmas – Stupid Kids (from Ultraprophets Of Thee Psykick Revolution, 1999) – Underrated indie pop/rock out of Boston. The members of Christmas later went on to form neo-lounge act Combustible Edison. I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around that fact.

Pet Shop Boys – How Do You Expect to Be Taken Seriously? (from Behaviour, 1990) – The answer does not involve impassioned defenses of Marvel’s Civil War or creating a blog specifically to piss and moan about other comics blogs.

fair is fair

I’m somewhat pressed for time today, plus I have a second, time-sensitive post I want to put together for later, but I would like to draw your attention to some projects by various friends of mine.

Rachel Nabors is a very talented cartoonist who has a weekly strip published online at gURL.com and also at her website, Subculture of One. I especially appreciated her strip from a couple weeks back, having been a late 80’s punk rocker who had to deal with the ugly fallout from the grunge/alt-goes-mainstream explosion firsthand, when every Tiffany, Trent, and Krystal swapped their BK’s and Benneton gear for a pair of Doc Marten’s and a biker jacket.

This week’s strip exposes the hidden truth behind manic kitten syndrome and its links to late 90’s pop music. For those interested in hearing the song referenced in the comic, here it is:

Len – Man of the Year (from You Can’t Stop the Bum Rush, 1999)

Speaking of webcomics, pals Kevin Church and Benjamin Birdie debuted the first installment of their “super seekrit” project today, and it’s a mighty fine effort. The Rack is a silly, seedy expose of the inner working of the nightmare world of comics retail, complete with puking children, a classic X-Men cover homage, and a reference to the most underappreciated Marvel character of all time. Well worth bookmarking, and I await the inevitable fanboy backlash with unconcealed glee.

The Yardbirds – Rack My Mind (from Roger the Engineer, 1966)

Last, but not least, this week saw the release of The Official Handbook of the Invincible Universe #2, featuring several entries written by the esteemed Dave Campbell of Dave’s Long Box fame. Dave was given a bit of latitude in fleshing out the backstories for some of the characters, so it’s a perfect chance to check out Campbell’s zany skills as applied to something other than Power Girl’s…ahem…endowments or a television series where Jan-Michael Vincent gets out-acted by a rotary-wing aircraft.

Pat Benatar – Invincible (Theme to The Legend of Billie Jean) (from Best Shots, 2003)

(Side note: Why hasn’t The Legend of Billie Jean been released on DVD yet? In an era where even the most marginal, niche appeal movies and TV series have been given the Criterion deluxe box set with a side of fries treatment, it’s an inexcusable omission.)