the angels got together

I've tried on more than a couple occasions to make sense of the theology under which the Archie-verse operates, but have yet to reconcile the many troubling doctrinal contradictions at work in Greater Riverdale during the early 1970's. While Christian fundamentalist overtones were unmistakably (and vehemently) present, there were also strong occultist (if not outright diabolic) undercurrents in the mix, such as classroom discipline through Satanically-directed face melting (apparently face-melting was "in" that year) and the presence of an actual coven of witches within the city limits. While I would qualify that last example by stating that Sabrina did repudiate, more or less, the dark side of her sorcerous heritage, she did still dabble in forbidden arcanery very frequently.

(Come to think of it, Sabrina has a lot in common with Orion, the son of Darkseid, in that both have attempted to turn their backs on their unpleasant family legacies yet make use of their gifts of heritage when circumstances require it. I smell a fab slashfic idea!)

Over in Josie and The Pussycats, the writers tried to split the Manichean difference with stories engineered to cash in on the popcult explosion of interest in all things occult (engendered by the runaway success of The Exorcist, among other things) while retaining a state of proper Christian grace. The whole teen rock band concept was pushed aside for a time in favor of numerous supernatural-themed stories involving haunted houses, ancient curses, and other manifestations of spiritual evil.

"Vengeance from the Crypt" from Josie and The Pussycats #72 (October 1973), finds the 'Cats setting aside their ongoing feud with the scheming Alexandra as they accompany their frequent foil to the Cabot family crypt. While Alexandra pays her respects to her recently departed grandfather, Josie wanders down to the crypt's lower level, where she accidentally huffs a lungful of uncut Stygian black smoke:

The hit of damnation dust causes Josie to behave in strange and terrible ways.

First she tries to set the Cabots' drapes on fire...

...and then she begins trashing the furniture.

And while those actions in and of themselves might not suggest demonic possession over the more mundane explanation that Josie is simply discovering her inner Keith Moon, her vicious attack on the vision of loveliness that is Melody...

...pushes her beyond the limits of acceptable behavior, rock star or not.

Alex, Alexandra's twin brother and the Pussycats' manager, attempts to subdue Josie, who has moved on to the profanity-shrieking stage of possession:

During the struggle, Josie reaches for something suitable to bash Alex's head in with, but accidentally grabs a conveniently-placed Bible instead. With "a scream from the very bowels of Hell," an agonized Josie throws the Good Book away from her person. This gives the rest of the crew an idea, which results in one of the greatest panels in comics history...

PRAISE JESUS!
The full bikini exorcism is a success, and the unclean spirit is cast out of Josie...

...though the implied place of its exit is better left unsaid, methinks. "Bowels of Hell," indeed. (I have exorcised many diabolic fast food meals from my body in a similar manner.)

The arrival of the elder Mr. Cabot sheds some light on the source of the demonic incursion. A spinster aunt of the Cabots had cursed the family on her deathbed, and had somehow mobilized the legions of Hell to intercede on her behalf, with the gruntwork subcontracted through an unwitting Josie. (It may sound like an efficient arrangement, but just try and get the Hadean comptroller's office to sign off on a work-for-hire pay voucher.)

Armed with this new knowledge, the gang decides to put an end to the curse, but not before indulging in some pre-game hosannas...

I'd just like to point out that Alexandra herself is a practitioner of the dark arts who has used her witchity powers to vex the Pussycats on several previous occasions.

She must be a Unitarian.

Down inside the crypt, the kids are all set to unleash some Deuteronomic whoop-ass on the wayward aunt's earthly remains...

...only to discover that the Big G has beaten them to the punch. I suppose incinerating a old casket is easier than, I don't know, solving world hunger or some other work with wider beneficial consequences, but I'd have thought an omnipotent and omniscient Being would set the bar higher for Himself or Herself.

So what have we learned today?

1. You may think you're being with it and groovy, but snorting ectoplasm can have dangerous consequences.

2. Always keep a Bible handy, lest your bikini-clad friend go on a demonic rampage in your living room.

3. Don't piss off spinster aunts, and if you do, don't inter her body in the family crypt, but instead leave the corpse out to be worried by jackals.

4. Archie comics stories from the early 70's are really fucking disturbing.

Josie and The Pussycats - Real Wild Child (from the Josie and The Pussycats OST, 2001) - Featuring Kay Hanley on vocals. I know there are some of you out there who will violently disagree, but I thought the movie was pretty entertaining, and far better than what I expected, even if I can never fully accept the idea of professional booze vacuum Tara Reid as the goodhearted and pure Melody.

Josie and The Pussycats - (They Long to Be) Close to You (from Josie and The Pussycats, 1970; collected on Stop, Look, & Listen: The Capitol Recordings, 2001) - Just in case you didn't get your full RDA of diabolic evil for today.