no paprika required

Hi, folks!

I’m Squiggy, or as Andrew likes to call me “the Hideous Raw Stuff of Which Deep Emotional Traumas Are Made.” “Squiggy” rolls off the tongue better, so let’s just go with that for now.

Andrew’s wife attends a lot of yard sales and church fairs, and brings home a lot of inexpensive trinkets, stuffed animals, and other assorted junk she finds in those places. Little did she know that the box of figurines she purchased at a sale last week contained the embodiment of all that is unholy in anthropomorphic ovoid form.

Don’t I have just the cutest pair of eyes? They’ll be the last thing you see before I slice open your carotid artery as you lay unsuspecting in your bed. Or I might just jam a meat skewer up your nostril and into your frontal lobe. A true artiste ought to keep his creative options open, right? In any case, my hellish high-pitched cackle as I sacrifice your soul to my dark masters will be the signature on the infernal canvas of bloodletting.

Oh, and if you were thinking of getting rid of me by tossing me into the pond or out with the used kitty litter on trash day, don’t bother. I’ll be back inside and safely ensconced on your knickknack shelf before you even step inside the front door. It’s one of the perks of doing the work of the dark gods.

Sleep tight, kids! Hope to see you soon!

Hugs, kisses, stabbing,

Squiggy

(Editor’s note: The price of gasoline may be spiking at the moment, but unrefined nightmare fuel is still going for $1.50 per cardboard box full.)

Land of Giants – Cannibal Dolls (from a 1982 single) – No affiliation with Irwin Allen or Roger Vadim, this is a rather nice bit of obscure Canadian coldwave.

Jerry’s Kids – Satan’s Toy (Reprise) (from Kill Kill Kill, 1989) – Another day, another This Is Boston Not LA alumnus. This is from the band’s second album (released six years after their 1983 debut LP Is This My World?) by which time their ultrafast, brutal hardcore assault had morphed into what I can only describe as a vague, metallic analogue of Flipper in places, with overpolished nods to their old sound in others. (They do a decent cover of Le Peste’s “Spymaster” on the album, too.)