I’ve got love in my tummy

I watched the latest episode of Showtime’s Masters of Horror anthology series last night, and what promised to be an interesting premise ended up only confirming that the show has lost its way and whatever uneven charm the first season of the show promised. There have been a couple decent episodes this season. John Landis did a fine job with the darkly comic serial killer story, “Family,” and Joe Dante’s “The Screwfly Solution” was a interesting failure buoyed by the strength of its disturbing premise, a mysterious plague that induces violent behavior towards women.

It also hasn’t helped that the standards for being considered a “master of horror” have been lowered over the course of the show’s run. John Landis, Clive Barker, and John Carpenter? Okay. The guy who directed Fright Night and Child’s Play? Not so much.

Peter Medak, who directed last week’s episode, “The Washingtonians,” has an impressive enough resume, having directed episodes of Magnum P.I. and 1990’s excellent The Krays (featuring twin gangsters who terrorized 1960’s London with synth ballads like “True” and “Gold”), but little to commend him as a “master of horror” apart from his work on the 1980’s Twilight Zone series. Even the bona fide horror film directors involved have failed to bring their “A-game” to the project more often than not. Dario Argento’s second season effort, “Pelts,” elicited its horror unintentionally though a sex scene featuring a naked, hairy Meat Loaf.

Here’s the TV.com summary of “The Washingtonians”:

After his grandmother's funeral, Mike finds out an artifact in her basement could re-write the history of our nation. There are clues that suggest George Washington was in fact a cannibal, Mike must protect his family and escape from a band of Washingtonians, hungry for human flesh and willing to protect Washington's secrets.

Sounds pretty interesting, right? A grand historical conspiracy and folks eating people – what could go wrong? Quite a bit, actually, as the narrative flailed around between suspense film clichés, dark humor, and poorly developed political commentary and never really got the balance right. The notion of cannibalism as a metaphor for America’s rapacious appetite was already fleshed out (no pun intended) in Ravenous, and “The Washingtonians” lifted more than a little from that 1999 film. So much so, in fact, I had to double check the Internet Movie Database listings to see if it was a follow up effort by the same creative team. (It wasn’t.)

The problem with cannibalism as political metaphor is that it’s too facile, a cliché that even the most naïve college Marxist would hesitate to use on a placard. There is still strong story potential in the premise, but in order to make it interesting, one would have do a little research, extend the scope, and generally do a bit more than simply create a secret gut munching cult patterned after Boston-now-LA cult rockers The Upper Crust, then resort to a cute ending featuring a child uttering a profanity.

Oh, well. I should count my blessings. “The Washingtonians” was 100% free of sex scenes featuring Meat Loaf, so I can at least mark that in the plus column. It also inspired me to gather together this little smorgasbord of musical delicacies, cooked medium rare and served with a garnish.

The Ohio Express – Yummy, Yummy, Yummy (from The Best of the Ohio Express, 2001) – This song was written before the discovery that love was extremely high in trans fats and posed a hazard to the public’s health. The world has since learned to live with healthier love substitutes, although they can never get the flavor quite right.

The Flesh Eaters – See You in the Boneyard (from A Moment to Pray, A Second to Die, 1981) – Another album in dire need of a reissue. One of those records that left me feeling underwhelmed after the first spin, the unique mix of punk, deathrock, and new wave has grown on me over the years.

Anthrax (UK) – Capitalism is Cannibalism (from the Capitalism is Cannibalism EP, 1982) – Not the American metal band, but the British anarcho-punk act aligned with the Crass contingent of bands.

The Buoys – Timothy (from Timothy, 1971) – This catchy tune about devouring a colleague’s flesh was written by Rupert “The Pina Colada Song” Holmes, which makes me wonder if there’s a alternate version of that cheese pop classic out there featuring the lines “If you’d like eating human flesh at midnight/In the dunes on the Cape.” If there isn’t, there ought to be. This song was a minor hit in 1971, proving yet again that the Seventies were completely fucked up in the best possible way.

Oh, I suppose this post wouldn’t be complete without this blast from the past, so here you go: