morituri te salutant

"Look what I got at Target today! Let's play!"

"Okay."

"I'm Bob. I'm a Roman centurion. I have a sword."

"I am Vectrix, son of Verucloetius, and was once a reknowned tinsmith of the Volcae. When the Golden Eagles came to take our lands, I rallied to the banner of my chieftain. Our warhost was slaughtered by Centurion Bob's legion. I saw my wife and daughters spitted on Roman spears, and I was taken prisoner. My arms were strong from working my trade, so I was judged fit to join the gladitorial games as a slave. My days are spent sating my Imperial masters' lust for bloodsport. My nights are spent mourning for my family and my tribe, and I await the day I shall join them in the world beyond this one."

"So, Vectrix, do you wanna fight?"

"........................................................

..........................................................

Sure, why not?"

Human League - Circus of Death (from Reproduction, 1979) - As part of its new line of Roman and gladiator-themed toys, Playmobil is also releasing an Emperor figure (with throne) and a giant Circus Maximus playset. I'm half tempted to pick it up, if only to incorporate it with my Playmobil nativity scene.

The song? Oh, it's from the League's creepy, experimental days, as opposed to their coldly romantic new wave era, or their lousy MOR pop nonsense period.

The Jesus Lizard - Gladiator (from Liar, 1992) - In college, my friends and I used The Jesus Lizard as a means of describing certain...eccentrics...to be tiptoed around. For example:

"What's his deal?"
"Oh, he's a big fan of The Jesus Lizard."
"That explains it. Thanks for the warning."