get off my lawn

So, did you manage to catch last night's presidential debate? No? Well, I don't blame you considering it ran opposite Say Yes to the Dress. If I'm going to suffer through a television-induced optical migraine, I'd much rather it be caused by the diva-tastic antics of a megalomaniacal bride-to-be than by the phony bloodsport of 21st century American politics.

The wheels of the media-established consensus machine are still spinning at this point, so I am forbidden by law to assess which of the candidates "won" the face-off. Senator Obama did well enough in discussing foreign policy issues, considering that such subjects are supposedly where he is weakest. His nuanced approach to American militarism remains troubling, as it is impossible to tell how much of it is pandering to the "kick some ass" demographic and how much of it is sincere.

As for Senator McCain?

Wow, he actually looks better there than he did on the podium last night. (I kid. McCain doesn't look like the Reverend Kane from Poltergeist 2, no matter what my wife might say. He looks like an old school Sontaran. I'd add that Sarah Palin looks like the evil auction house woman from the first season of Charmed, but that would mean letting the world know I watch Charmed and....oh, fuck.)

While I do not believe that appearances ought to be the deciding factor in a political contest (though "Empress Tuesday Weld" has a nice ring to it), I'm pretty sure that looking and comporting oneself like Mr. Neighborhood Crankypants isn't the best way to win votes. The only things he was missing last night were an overgrown hedge, a German Shepherd, and a collection of seized Frisbees and wiffle balls.

When he did exhibit a rare flash of lucidity and substance, it was only to elucidate a more belligerent, if such a thing is even possible, foreign policy platform than we presently have. I don't deny that shit sells to a substantial section of the populace, but "extremist reiteration of the status quo" isn't what I'd call synonymous with "maverick."

The debate was McCain's to lose, despite the backfiring of his economic "white knight" stunt. The expert was supposed to school the neophyte, thus proving the latter's unreadiness to lead. Even if one calls the debate a draw, as the media consensus is tentatively claming it was, it means that McCain was evenly matched by Obama in the one area where he supposedly held a decisive advantage.

They can spin it in the media arena as much as they like, but I'm guessing that whatever pragmatic souls exist in the McCain campaign are currently shitting themselves.

Iggy Pop - Winners & Losers (from Blah Blah Blah, 1986) - Pop goes mainstream! This track (along with two others on the album) was co-written by ex-Pistol Steve Jones, coming on the heels of his stint in Chequered Past and prior to his solo career as a former guitar hero-turned-MOR hard rocker.

Fun Boy Three - The More I See (The Less I Believe) (from Waiting, 1983) - I liked Terry Hall better when he wasn't trying to compete with Robert Smith. One Robert Smith is enough for this world (or rather "too much," since Mr. Smith discovered the magical powers of elastic waistbands). That said, when Hall and company weren't moping up songs originally written by Hall for The Go-Go's, they did manage to record the odd bit of nifty, socially aware pop such as today's featured selection.

the rules have changed today

This early start to Daylight Savings Time has played havoc with my internal sense of timekeeping. Seven o’clock sunsets in mid-March? It just doesn’t feel right. I’m sure someone stands to benefit from this hubristic manipulation of the natural order, but it ain't me. Instead I find myself muddling through the temporal dislocation of “The Twenty-Three Hour Day!” like the square-jawed, suit-and-tie-wearing hero of a Gardner Fox sci-fi story from an old issue of Mystery in Space:

“Watches function because of the crystals inside them! If I were to dissolve this quartz powder in a mixture of water and potassium, I should be able to slip into the missing hour that the Venusians have stolen to use as their base to invade earth!”

Editor’s note: Potassium has the atomic number 19! Potassium sodium tartrate is used in baking powder!

I used to love those stories (which were easily available as reprints in quarter bin filler titles like From Beyond the Unknown) as a kid. There’s something wonderfully batshit about the way DC tried to edify its readers as it attempted to entertain them in the fifties and sixties, even though so many of the facts were taken out of context or just plain wrong. Grant Morrison tries to use Fortean pseudo-science to achieve a similar effect, but it lacks the misguided sincerity at play in those old stories.

Unfortunately, there’s no amount of misapplied high school science capable of laying the blame for this mess as the feet/hooves/tentacles of some delightful, yet improbably goofy, aliens sprung from the drawing table of Murphy Anderson, Gil Kane, or Carmine Infantino. An act of Congress is to blame, and that’s something far more sinister and difficult to oppose than the Rocket Tyrants of Jupiter.

The Ramones – Time Has Come Today (from Subterranean Jungle, 1983) – You might think that this is a bit downtempo for a Ramones’ track, but it does clock in at 4m 25s, which makes it less than half as long as the Chambers Brothers’ original version.

The Outsiders – Time Won’t Let Me (from a 1966 single, collected on the Nuggets: Original Artyfacts From the First Psychedelic Era 1965-1968 box set, 1998) – One of the wife’s all time favorite songs. I think it’s a splendid piece of sixties’ pop rock, but whenever I listen to it, I can’t help thinking how two of the band members went on to record the oh-so-seventies, oh-so-mellow AM gold standard “Precious and Few” under the guise of Climax. (Not to be confused with these ladies.) Another fun fact: For some reason, when I try to recall how “Precious and Few” sounds, it inevitably morphs into The Association’s “Cherish.”