here is the day to remember

“Herr Michael York, please rest your leonine face against my ample bosoms while I stare uncomfortably into space, ja? Oopsie, it seems the shoulder strap of my dress has slipped down past my creamy white shoulder!”

However will our intrepid hero stop the Kaiser’s latest superweapon, a ponderous behemoth filled with explosive hydrogen gas, powered by volatile aviation fuel, and whose surface is covered with highly combustible reflective paint?

Front Line Assembly – Hydrogen (from Explosion, 2003) – One of my more cherished memories from high school was the time when my 11th grade chemistry teacher miscalculated the blast radius of a hydrogen-filled balloon and singed off the eyebrows of a star member of the football team.

Do Make Say Think – Goodbye Enemy Airship (from Goodbye Enemy Airship the Landlord Is Dead, 2000) – I’m not sure exactly what the hell “post-rock” is supposed to be, apart from an ineffectual stab at marketing-driven branding. Why not just drop the useless jargon and call it “jazzy electronica with prog tendencies”? The idea with genre labels is to entice or intrigue listeners, not confuse them.

T. Rex – Life’s a Gas (from Electric Warrior, 1971) – The one thing I took away from the first-time homebuyer’s class the bank made my wife and I attend as a precondition for getting a mortgage: Killer mold is the new radon gas. Seriously, the other attendees pissed away nearly ninety minutes asking the instructor the most insane questions about killer mold. “Will it take over my body and make me eat nothing but chocolate-covered mini-donuts?”

I even drew a little picture on one of the class handouts featuring a knife-wielding mass of fungus hovering over a sleeping couple. Now that I think of it, the fungus bore a close resemblance to Marc Bolan’s (or Brian May’s) hairdo – a mass of black curlicues designed to strike fear and awe into the hearts and minds of the unwary.