and if you say goodbye

Chaironymus C. Chairington
(1999-2007)
You will be missed, I guess.
My computer chair gave up the ghost last night. It was not an unexpected passing; the past few months were laden with portents of chairdeath.

First, a couple of non-essential (as far as I could tell) bolts popped loose and were borne away by the cats. Then the threads on the adjustment knob for the backrest got stripped, forcing an improvised fix which involved a pair of locking pliers and a spare nut from a muffler installation kit. Finally and fatally, the ring which secured the base pole to the seat popped loose, and no amount of pounding, bending, or twisting could set the problem right. I even tried wadding an old sock (visible in the photo) into the docking hole to stabilize the seat platform, but to no avail.

What had previously been a functional place to park one's ass has become a personal Tilt-A-Whirl with a slightly diminished risk of accidental dismemberment posed by the large scale version. While I wish that the terminal phase of the chair's life had come on prior to my weekly trip to Target, thus eliminating the need to make an additional trip this evening, I'm astonished that it held up as long as it did.

I bought the chair eight years ago, at the equally deceased Ames store in the Redstone shopping plaza, and it set me all of twenty dollars. I was scrambling to set up a space for my new PC, and in my haste opted for cash and carry efficiency, rather than ancillary concerns like comfort or ergonomic design, in picking out a computer desk and chair. Later on, after the move into the new house, I had an opportunity to rethink the setup, but given the space limitations I was working with, I decided to keep what I had for the time being.

In those eight years, that cheapjack chair has supported the mass of bone and gristle that is my posterior though countless hours of gaming, writing, music listening, and internet browsing. In its off hours, it served ably as a bed for napping cats, a clothes rack, and nightstand. Truly, a career to be envied by its home furnishing peers, especially when one considers its humble origins.

You served well, Mr. Chairington. May a flight of ottomans escort you to the great outlet store in the sky.

Booker T & The MG's - You Can't Sit Down (from Green Onions, 1962) - Not comfortably, at least, although that can be ameliorated a little by some sweet instrumental soul.

Hagar the Womb - Armchair Observer (from Funnery in a Nunnery, 1984) - Showing a more playful side of anarchopunk.

The Merseybeats - I'm Gonna Sit Right Down and Cry (from I Think of You: The Complete Recordings, 2002) - Better than The King's version. Better than the Fab Four's version.

Memorial services will be held around 8:00 AM on Wednesday, by the front garden wall between the bin of recyclables and the bags of household trash.