memed by death

Dorian from Postmodern Barney, "the world's smuggest comics blog", tagged me with an interesting little meme that I decided to turn into a bonus post. No downloads, though. I didn't want the songs tainted by the context of the meme. Here's the deal:

Put your music player on shuffle and list the FIRST FIVE rock songs that come up (NO CHEATING!) For each one, write a deranged misinterpretation proving that the song somehow is related to and supports the modern-day American right-wing agenda.

(Please, PLEASE, note that this is all done tongue-in-cheek, and is no way intended to suggests that these bands have some sort of hidden conservative agenda. Okay?)

#1: The Toasters - Secret Agent Man - A celebration of the expanded national-security state necessitated by the contined presence of vegetarians, liberals, abortion rights supporters and other free thinkers that pose a threat to our cherished American way of life. Remember: our elected officials are not obligated to inform the public about anything. Doing so would only aid our enemies.

Be careful what you say/You could give yourself away

#2: The Pogues - If I Should Fall From Grace With God - Reminds us of the need to seal our borders from illegal immigrants, lest God should look upon our great nation with disfavor and grant His blessings on another, less worthy nation. Like France.

This land was always ours/was the proud land of our fathers/It belongs to us and them/Not to any of the others

#3: Pat Benatar - Hit Me With Your Best Shot - You think you're so tough, Mister World's 160th Largest GDP and 97th Largest Army? Hmmm? You think you can just nationalize your natural gas industry and get away with it? Ha! Try it, I dare you. We're the USA, the greatest nation on the planet, and can kick your ass eight ways back to the stone age.

That's okay, lets see how you do it/Put up your dukes, let's get down to it

#4: David Bowie - Queen Bitch - Imagines the nightmare world that could come to pass should Hillary Rodham Clinton be elected president in 2008. It's a future where Special Commissar of Culture David Geffen and Propaganda Minister Michael Moore hatch schemes with other like-minded effete Hollywood liberals to destroy the few remaining shreds of America's traditional Judeo-Christian value system.

She's an old-time ambassador/Of sweet talking, night walking games/And she's known in the darkest clubs/For pushing ahead of the dames

#5: The Eyeliners - I Could Never Hate You - A love song to our intrepid Commander in Chief, G.W. Bush. The liberal media may spread its calumnies about falling approval ratings and dissention in the ranks of the Republican faithful, but the truly devout know in their heart of hearts that our President was chosen by God Almighty to lead us. His will is the Lord's will.

When things are up or down/No matter what goes wrong/I'll always be around/I tell you I could never hate you

Not bad for random songs from the playlist. I can imagine the mischief I'd have gotten into if I was allowed to pick the five songs. (I was really, really hoping "Atom Bomb" by Fluke was going to pop up.)