Wednesday, May 14, 2008

ain't gonna give anybody any slack

Surfin' the zeitgeist with my homies! Woooo!

...which is why I need your help in getting my old lady's car out of here. I'll pay you ten bucks.

Making the Wu-Tang Clan look like The Lettermen...

Tough, yet with a tender side that yearns for the embrace of a pair of firm, 'roided-out arms...

Of the many words that come to mind when I think "cat," "tall" is not one of them.

So come up with a comprehensive community policing plan, a source of decent-paying jobs, and a midnight basketball program, quick!

...and I won't stop until you get enough! Ooooh! That goes double for you, Martin Bashir!

PROTIP: When pursued by Nigel, take cover behind the sloppily-rendered streetwalker.

I'm (not really) sad to say that I wasn't able to re-establish law and order in Center City's BAD part of town, as the game's shoddy digitized graphics, piss-poor collision detection, and painfully lame attempt to exploit popcult trends were too much for me to bear. Honestly, though, any town that allows itself to be conquered by the Gloved One probably isn't worth saving in the first place.

Back of Tha Neck - Hangin' Tough (from the Rock Vegas Boston compilation, 2004) - In which the local hardcore lads pay homage to Beantown's proud musical legacy.

The Uniques - You Ain't Tuff (from Uniquely Yours, 1966; collected on Nuggets: Original Artyfacts from the First Psychedelic Era, 1998) - Yer grammer an spellin iz two gud fer you two be a reel tuff cooky. Mebbe this slyce uv Louisiana garage rok will stiffn yer spyne.

Fluke - Hang Tough (from Puppy, 2003) - But never forget the importance of staying chill. Let Fluke show you how to do so in style.

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