I know it ain't and so do you

My god is a god who wants me to have things. He wants me to bling! He wants me to be the hottest thing on the block... The god I serve says, 'Mary, you need to be the hottest thing this year, and I'm gonna make sure you're doing that.' My god's the bomb! - Mary J. Blige, quoted in the May 8, 2006 issue of Us Weekly

Lovely, isn't it? It was such a obscene example of celebrity self-importance that I recorded it in my journal after stumbling across it eighteen months ago. I dug it out and dusted it off after reading this article on a senate inquiry into the tax exempt status of certain televangelical proponents of the so-called "prosperity gospel," a strain of evangelism that equates wealth with God's favor. That contradiction of Christ's (you know, that guy Christianity was named after) well-documented teachings about wealth, poverty, and asceticism is justified through a rather loose interpretation of Deuteronomy 8:18, a line of scripture which could be otherwise summarized as "Remember that your success is owed to God."

Given this country's love of both the Almighty God and the Almighty Dollar, it isn't surprising that a synthesis of the two objects of affection would find an eager audience, appealing to haves and have-nots alike. Sure other sects may be uncomfortable with the prosperity gospel's Mammon-in-Christ's-clothing ideology, but Sen. Grassley's probe has led them to argue such actions are a slippery slope leading to government control of religious doctrine. A patently absurd claim, but perfectly tailored to rally flocks accustomed to respond to perceived "persecution" of Christians.

I'm sure their real concern is that such an investigation might raise further questions about the finances and flow of money within not only the individuals currently being scrutinized, but in their own organizations as well. It's amazing how the specter of an external audit can lead one to champion the separation of church and state, even when one has spent the past couple of decades actively attempting to undermine the principle.

Depeche Mode - Blasphemous Rumours (from Some Great Reward, 1984) - Not only does God have a sick sense of humor, he's really into slapstick.

XTC - Dear God (from Skylarking, 1986) - God has prepared a form letter response for all such inquiries. "Dearest TOM, I am sorry to say that I cannot help you by CURING YOUR DYING MOM as it is all part of my Mysterious Plan. Plus I was busy helping Mary J. Blige become the hottest thing. Love always, GOD"